Ex-wife Rant (1 Viewer)

99%evil

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I divorced my ex about 13 years ago. Some members here and I used to play poker every friday night may remember(probably not) late one night I looked at my watch realized the date and laughed that I had forgotten my tenth wedding anniversary that day- my ex and I were in a bad place. One major reason for our divide is how we raised the kids(we have 2 kids 18yr old F & 22 yr old M), I was the one that would tell the kids "no" and she constantly undermined me and caved to whatever thing they wanted because she was afraid they wouldn't love her. We tried counseling and it didn't work, we ended up divorcing amicably and I've been paying child support the past 13 years. I have been remarried happily for just over ten years(we went to Jamaica for our tenth BTW), my current wife has gotten along with my ex and my relationship with my ex has always been good. My youngest daughter graduates high school in 2 weeks, that's the magic date on the divorce decree- no more child support. I would be lying if I said I hadn't been anxious for this date to come as the time has drawn near-that's a huge amount of cash in my pocket each week. I figured I should give my ex a call and remind her of the impending change, she said she was shocked, the kids were going to still be in college and she figured I would continue to give her money because she paid for their cell phones and car insurance. My son is about to graduate college. In our discussion I told her maybe the kids should contribute to their bills and I would be willing to help as well - she still thinks she should get the full child support amount - so basically she can buy their love, not teach them responsibility and have me finance her love to them....

I'm cutting it off in two weeks - need to have a talk with the kids...

I apologize for the personal diatribe, I've talked to my close friends and family about it. Just frustrating...

Anyone else deal with a retarded ex?
 
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BarrieJ3

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Nothing to add, just wanted to say congrats on having everything work out so great.

I’d imagine it’s no small amount of work on everyone’s part to have an extended/blended family work well throughout it all.
 

RocAFella1

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Congrats on her graduation and good for you man. I’m sure it will be that much more of a proud moment for you.
 

DeeVee8

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I divorced my ex about 13 years ago. Some members here and I used to play poker every friday night may remember(probably not) late one night I looked at my watch realized the date and laughed that I had forgotten my tenth wedding anniversary that day- my ex and I were in a bad place. One major reason for our divide is how we raised the kids(we have 2 kids 18yr old F & 22 yr old M), I was the one that would tell the kids "no" and she constantly undermined me and caved to whatever thing they wanted because she was afraid they wouldn't love her. We tried counseling and it didn't work, we ended up divorcing amicably and I've been paying child support the past 13 years. I have been remarried happily for just over ten years(we went to Jamaica for our tenth BTW), my current wife has gotten along with my ex and my relationship with my ex has always been good. My youngest daughter graduates high school in 2 weeks, that's the magic date on the divorce decree- no more child support. I would be lying if I said I hadn't been anxious for this date to come as the time has drawn near-that's a huge amount of cash in my pocket each week. I figured I should give my ex a call and remind her of the impending change, she said she was shocked, the kids were going to still be in college and she figured I would continue to give her money because she paid for their cell phones and car insurance. My son is about to graduate college. In our discussion I told her maybe the kids should contribute to their bills and I would be willing to help as well - she still thinks she should get the full child support amount - so basically she can buy their love, not teach them responsibility and have me finance her love to them....

I'm cutting it off in two weeks - need to have a talk with the kids...

I apologize for the personal diatribe, I've talked to my close friends and family about it. Just frustrating...

Anyone else deal with a retarded ex?
Congrats on the graduations as well!!

As far as the ex, I would recommend picking up either the cell bill or the car insurance rather than give her money. Either that or each bill is paid in 1/3's. Kids share, mom's share and your share. That way she can't buy their love with your money, but you're still helping out. Have the bills delivered to you.

Otherwise, based on your screen name, go the extra 1% on her.
 

99%evil

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I was going to put my daughters phone on my bill, as for car insurance- I believe they should pay a bulk of it as that's what I did. Learning to take care of yourself is important in my view. I've never had anyone support me after 19 - I had to leave college because of the real estate crash in the late 80's when my father's company went bankrupt and he owned over 20 properties at the time. He became ill at the same time and I went to work at a warehouse and paid the mortgage for my parents. I've been paying my own way since with no help.

I'm not a miser and I do buy my kids everything they need- I'm a happy father and have great relationships with all my kids (stepdaughter as well)
 
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David O

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I am one who never had to deal with divorce but I have with raising children. I find it a but weird that a parent has to be forced to take care of their minor children but then again there are many things I cannot believe now days. You sound like you care about your children so I think they will be okay.

We were fortunate with my oldest who had a scholarship but never completed. My middle son was the wild child so no college and my daughter just recently graduated from College. I feel we raised her well. She took her first two years at a local college for her associates and then did two years at Texas State University for her bachelors. I was able to cash flow this degree but she did pay for most of her living expenses because she chose to move out. I told all of my children that I would do all I could to cover their education and they had no expenses if they lived at home. Worked out well!

Bottom line is everyone looks at college differently. If you can help I am sure you will. Congrats on not paying child support. I am sure you are happy that now you and they will see how you help when you can not because you are made to pay but because you care for them.

I could go on with this subject but won't. Everyone feels different about this subject but thought I would chime in!!!

Good luck and congrats on the new High School Graduate.

David O
 

sir bluffs alot

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Tough spot. Give what you can to your kids. Spoil them if you want! It doesn’t have to go through her. I’m with you. Time’s up.
 
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Congrats on the upcoming freedom and thankfully you don’t have to pay alimony. I know a guy that has to pay that and it sounds awful.
 

Chipandchair

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Do your payments just stop automatically or do you have to hire a lawyer and go through courts to officially stop it? I realize it is outlined in the decree but how do you make it “official”?
 

joepro

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I’m a big fan of making the kids learn about financial responsibility, my wife and I are generally on the same page. We make them save for the new phones they "need" and we pay half of the cost. Mine are not in college yet but had that conversation with friends recently. Everyone has their own way of handling that.

One guy said he would pay for every A and his kid got straight A's. I hate the thought my kids would skip college but I don't believe it's worth $70k a year as some schools are now charging.
 

99%evil

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Do your payments just stop automatically or do you have to hire a lawyer and go through courts to officially stop it? I realize it is outlined in the decree but how do you make it “official”?
No we never went through the state because it was an amicable relationship. I currently have money each week deposited in her account...it's going to be just like Office Space when they stop paying Milton by "fixing the glitch", I'm just telling my payroll girl to stop depositing money in that account after 6/14

I can buy a second house with the money I'm saving... I've told her for the past 4 years to sell the monster she's in with 2 kids out of the house. Dumb dumb...
 

WedgeRock

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In our discussion I told her maybe the kids should contribute to their bills and I would be willing to help as well - she still thinks she should get the full child support amount - so basically she can buy their love, not teach them responsibility and have me finance her love to them....
Raising kids...you're doing it right.
 

Statesvegas

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I'm a divorce attorney, and deal with these types of issues on a daily basis (more so during graduation time). Sounds like your ex hasn't changed much since the divorce. Congrats on reaching the light at the end of the tunnel!
 

Ellasdaddy

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Congratulations on how everything has turned out and for your happiness. I'm 100% with you on teaching personal, social, and fiscal responsibility. I'm a product of public schools, had to do without many things growing up unless I worked, saved, hustled, and took on debt like most other humans do. My children are already far beyond the upbringing and luxuries I ever saw, and they'll continue to be as long as I draw breath. However, we will not be funding their college educations or buying them cars. We won't cosign their loans either. What we've done instead is match all of the cash gifts and rewards they've gotten so far (8 years) in a high yield savings account which they can access when they're each 18. My wife and I feel strongly that the only safety net they should have is that they can always come to us for spot help and shelter, and the best gift we can give them is protecting our own old age so that we never become a burden and financial drain on them later in life. So we're fully funding our insurance policies, retirement accounts, and my pension now while living comfortably and beginning to house-shop again.
 

Bluegrass Poker

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No we never went through the state because it was an amicable relationship. I currently have money each week deposited in her account...it's going to be just like Office Space when they stop paying Milton by "fixing the glitch", I'm just telling my payroll girl to stop depositing money in that account after 6/14

I can buy a second house with the money I'm saving... I've told her for the past 4 years to sell the monster she's in with 2 kids out of the house. Dumb dumb...

You might want to make sure it’s official. I’m not sure what state you are in but it’s uncommon for judges to sign off on divorces with kids that young and not include a child support arrangement in it.

Even if you never paid it through the state it can still be official and part of the order. And make sure it stops child support per statute.
 

arch3r

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Is your name Alan Harper by any chance?
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CraigT78

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Do your payments just stop automatically or do you have to hire a lawyer and go through courts to officially stop it? I realize it is outlined in the decree but how do you make it “official”?
State specific. My kids are in Oklahoma and I had to file to turn off support. It was one and done, but still cost me $1,500 in attorney expenses.
 

CraigT78

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I divorced 12 years ago and made my final child support payment on 5/22 of this year.

I have custody of my 15 yr old daughter, and waived receiving any support from my ex. I'm in a far better place financially than she is, and will be paying for my 18yr old sons college. Currently I am paying 1/2 of his car insurance and give him $200 a month for his expenses. He works almost full time and has saved a good deal of his own money. I feel he's on the right track, so I have no problem giving him some "fun money" while he's in college. We've discussed that his living expenses are his responsibility - I'll cover college as long as he can make a B or better average. If he lives with his mom, he understands that what ever she charges him is between them.

I could rant about the last 12 years with my ex, the three failed custody suites, but I'll save myself from the pain of bringing up old shit. Let's just say that Oklahoma courts are very heavily weighted against father's and my attorney's Porsche can speak of the costs of it all :cautious:

Good luck and congrats - it's nice to be free of the child support - but do yourself a favor and just make sure you don't need to file anything to make it "official" an hour of an attorneys time is worth the peace of mind.
 

FordPickup92

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No wonder everyone says "do your self a favor, don't get married" now a days :confused

Best of luck when the money gets cut off to her, hopefully she understands and takes it sanely... I feel as though if I know anything about women's brains, it wont go well. Hopefully you have an opportunity to talk with your children and explain to them the circumstances, I'm sure they will understand. Lifes a b**ch, and the real word ain't no peach either
 

12thMan

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No wonder everyone says "do your self a favor, don't get married" now a days :confused


I can understand the sentiment from some people, but don’t think everybody says that. Usually people who say that are the ones that f*#+!d up and were stupid wen they married the wrong person. Getting married was the best thing that ever happened to me and it is for a lot of people.

Marriage is tough, it is WORK sometimes, but that’s just the reality of sharing life with another human. It’s a truly fortunate person that can say they have no conflicts with any human ever, I don’t know any that can say it, so it shouldn’t be a surprise when every once in a while you are wondering if you could study all those spouse killing shows and figure out how to actually get away with it. ;)

Make sure and marry the right person, even then people and life can change and nothing is guaranteed, but it will put you on a very good start to a great thing if you do it right.

For every guy that legitimately got his heart broken or life destroyed by an ex wife when there was no warning signs there are a hundred bitter old men who made horrible decisions about who they married and/or didn’t put the work in. Those are the ones you don’t want to listen to. ;)
 
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CraigT78

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I can understand the sentiment from some people, but don’t think everybody says that. Usually people who say that are the ones that f*#+!d up and we’re stupid wen they married the wrong person. Getting married was the best thing that ever happened to me and it is for a lot of people.

Marriage is tough, it is WORK sometimes, but that’s just the reality of sharing life with another human. It’s a truly fortunate person that can say they have no conflicts with any human ever, I don’t know any that can say it, so it shouldn’t be a surprise when every once in a while you are wondering if you could study all those spouse killing shows and figure out how to actually get away with it. ;)

Make sure and marry the right person, even then people and life can change and nothing is guaranteed, but it will put you on a very good start to a great thing if you do it right.

For every guy that legitimately got his heart broken or life destroyed by an ex wife when there was no warning signs there are a hundred bitter old men who made horrible decisions about who they married and/or didn’t put the work in. Those are the ones you don’t want to listen to. ;)
I'd also add - don't get married too young. My first marriage was a product of the military and I was a statical improbably from the start. Getting married and having kids at 20 is just plain dumb! (I'm sure it's worked for some though)
 

12thMan

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I'd also add - don't get married too young. My first marriage was a product of the military and I was a statical improbably from the start. Getting married and having kids at 20 is just plain dumb! (I'm sure it's worked for some though)

Couldn’t agree more. My grandparents were married at 19 and 17 and more than 70 years later they define love and dedication.... but I would not advise a 19 year old today to get married no matter how much they wanted to.

Could it work? sure. Will it? Damn, I feel like the odds are severely stacked against you.
 

David O

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I'd also add - don't get married too young. My first marriage was a product of the military and I was a statical improbably from the start. Getting married and having kids at 20 is just plain dumb! (I'm sure it's worked for some though)
Worked for me. Married at 21. Best 33 years of my life and would have lived 20-30 more.
 
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