Also, asking someone to contribute to upgraded gear that only plays once every couple of months doesnt seem fair either.
Collecting a rake, or collecting time, means they only pay a small amount, and only pay when they play. It's a way of making the collection more fair than asking everyone to kick in a large sum for a purchase.
To me, if there is a rake, its more of a business venture and the group dynamics will change (i.e. are the players your friends or customers?).
To me, that depends very much on the actual take, and what the expenses are. If the chips, table, cards, drinks, food are really good, and the rake is relatively small, then it's clearly not a business venture. And a typical rake on a micro game simply won't pay for the game.
Seems to me like the host should not play in this instance and should deal all night to remove any perceived conflicts.
I just don't see any inherent conflict. If the game is a fair game, and the bank is managed properly, then whether or not the host plays makes no difference - except inasmuch as you may want them in if they're poor, or you may want them out if they're strong. But that's the case, regardless of whether or not there's a rake.
This all goes out the window if the game isn't fair - such as the above where the host has "unlimited buy-ins" at a tournament. But if you run a fair game, the rake is the rake. Period.
I think part of the difference of opinion we're seeing here is because of the gray area of what a "home game" is.
Ask yourself this question: if you assume a host who wants to play poker (the majority of home games), why on earth would they run the game, raked or unraked, if they couldn't play? If I charged a rake, and the rake allowed me to get a better table, and better chairs, and better chips, and serve more/better drinks and food, all of that would only make me happy
if I could play. If I couldn't play, then F it, why would I bother with any of it?
On the other hand, if you have a "host" who is content to run a raked game where they don't play, then it's not really a home game... it's just an unlicensed card room.
So when I hear "raked home game," I think of a host who wants to play, and uses the rake to subsidize the setup (or cover for their donkishness.)
Frankly, anyone who is raking enough to make hosting worthwhile for the profit is running something which just isn't a home game.
All that being said... I host regularly, and I take no rake or time or fee of any kind. Part of that is my desire to be 100% legal in my state. Part of that is my desire to keep the game affordable for my friends.