Zombies 2017 Las Vegas Ratings - Trip Report (1 Viewer)

Poker Zombie

Poker Zombie

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Anybody can do a simple trip report. I had a set of kings but the villain sucked out a flush. Move along, nothing useful there. So this trip report will be different. I will (try) do do it in the form of a series of reviews. Ratings will be from 1-5 brains, 1 brain being you need more brains if you come here.

See this is already making more sence than a review using stars.

Southwest Airlines

The first leg of any Vegas trip is getting there. We flew on southwest, and took advantage of free drink coupons. Sure, our flight left at 9 am, but this was Vegas baby, time to get my drink on...
DSC_0624.JPG


As usual, security was both impressed at the Zombie in-flight poker table and very diligent in checking it to make sure it was not some form of terrorist weapon. The guy in the seat in front of us turned around as we were shaking the martinis, wishing he had sat back with us. The flight-attendant was so impressed, I think she wanted to go home with us. Heads Up NLHE Tournament action, the blind timer just off to the left.

Southwest: 3 brains. The legroom leaves a lot to be desired.
 
Dollar Rent-a-Car

We arrive and go pick up our car from Dollar rent a car. This cluster is too much to write in full, so I will summarize:
  • Months in advance, rent a "lock low and go" car. It's whatever car they want to give you for 1 week, $100
  • Sign up for rewards program. "Skip" the lines.
  • Arrive at rental center. Go directly to lot. See nobody.
  • I go back and stand in rewards program line (shorter line).
  • Learn there is a screen in the garage with our name, and where our car is parked.
  • Find car (mid-size, for the win). Go to leave.
  • Guy at booth needs the same credit card we booked with. We do not carry that card, as it is our digital credit card.
  • Return to rewards program line to "re-book" car.
Overall, not too bad. Their lack of communicating things like "look for the screen in the unmanned booth" or "use a credit card you take with you on vacation" would have been nice.

Dollar Rental: 4 Brains. Communication was poor, but $14/day for a Nissan Altima is a solid win.
 
Next we head over to the Plaza Hotel and Casino. The valet is honestly stunned when I hand him $10. "What's this for", he asked. You're a fucking valet. I tell him we're going to check in and come right back out. Keep the car handy. I don't think I was giving money to a random street guy wearing a shirt that reads "Valet", but I cannot be certain. I can be certain that this guy got into the recreational pot even though it's still a month away from being legally sold in this state.

Inside the Plaza, we find there is no check-in desk, unless you are one to the top two tiers of their loyalty program. We are not. We instead have to check in at a kiosk. So much for the $20 trick, or requesting a room in the South tower, overlooking the pool. The kiosk just stares back at me blankly as I ask it questions, then it spits out my room keys.

The room itself is large, with a bathroom that is impossibly small. It's like shitting in a linen closet, except there are no towels in here - it's just that small. At some point someone had to make the executive decision: Toilet paper, or towels. I think the laundry staff had a hand in the decision. If you want to dry off leaving the shower, you have to use the toilet paper (or leave the bathroom). I went for the former, and looked like a mummy-zombie.

The furnishings are higher-end (they got them from the Fountain Bleu that never opened). Beds are firm, and the pillows are good. The room itself smells like a cheap, sweet perfume. I've never been to a brothel, but I imagine this is what one would smell like without the tears of regret.

Plaza: 3 Brains. The room is very spacious. You could dance in here. I'm still not totally used to the smell yet, but $26 a night (plus resort fee, I'm sure) is cheap. I don't expect much for $26, and rate it accordingly.

We head back out the the valet, who had the car waiting, and the keys secured. I guess we were just the first people ever to tip a valet at the Plaza.
 
El Dorado Cantina

We head over to El Dorado Cantina for lunch. Connected to Sapphire strip club, and sharing the same lot, I began to question the quality of this off-the-main-path joint. Inside, it looks like it used to be a part of the strip club. I begin to wonder if there is a cover charge, or if my nachos will be served in a g-string.

The food however, is top notch. By far the best Mexican food I've had. This stuff was not canned. They even tell you where the meat was farmed. The only thing lacking were the margaritas, which were overly acidic.
DSC_0628.JPG


3 different mole sauces, bacon wrapped shrimp. Waaaaayyyyyy too much food. I am so stuffed, that the idea of a stripper and a lap dance is totally out of the question. How full do you have to be that boobs don't make it right?

Yeah, I'm that full.

El Dorado Cantina: 4 Brains. A little spendy, but worth it. The margaritas however were not so good, so I only had 3.
 
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Enjoying the write up! Added to my watched list for use in August on my trip.
 
Plaza Pool

After lunch, we headed back to the Plaza. We had a cabana reserved. This was the best $100 I ever spent at a pool. It was 117 degrees out here. It literally tied the all-time high temperature for Las Vegas. Having shade, a small fan, and a never-empty pitcher of water was worth it. The view was... let's just call most of the swimmers gross. There was a guy, 20-something with a skin tight bathing suit, with a penis pouch. Sure, this is some eye-candy for the ladies (or gay men, no judgement here) but he was with his mom. AND HE KEPT PLAYING WITH HER BOOBS!

Others were grossly overweight, but there were a handful of good looking people. Short story though, this is not a place to people-watch if you're looking for sexy people. It's not even on my top 10 list of pools to go to in Las Vegas, and I've only been to 4 or 5 of them. It's concrete and water. However, to enjoy the hottest day ever in Las Vegas, it was a fun and relaxing day.

I took a photo, but it did not save to the phone. I think the phone fried in the heat.

Plaza Pool: 2 Brains. They try, but there just isn't enough here to make it worth the effort unless you just love the heat.
 
I'm "watching" this thread and I'll be there tomorrow! ;) Making me jealous even if it IS the Plaza.......... :rolleyes:
 
Definitely the best Vegas Thread in a while. I am headed out 7/7 so on the lookout for ideas. I have never tried that Mexican place and now I probably will.... Keep up the good work!
 
How do you know the young dude was playing with his moms boobs? Could be wife. Or he might be working. No judgements. :)
 
Jeff said:
How do you know the young dude was playing with his moms boobs? Could be wife. Or he might be working. No judgements. :)
Click to expand...

Wife is a possibility. There was about 20-30 years age difference, but I can let that slide. He was fit and groomed, she looked like Roseanne Barr with trailerpark teeth. She undid her bathing suit straps for a strapless tan, he took the opportunity to yank it down exposing the lump of blubber she called a breast.
 
Poker Zombie said:
Wife is a possibility. There was about 20-30 years age difference, but I can let that slide. He was fit and groomed, she looked like Roseanne Barr with trailerpark teeth. She undid her bathing suit straps for a strapless tan, he took the opportunity to yank it down exposing the lump of blubber she called a breast.
Click to expand...
She was probably a lotto winner and he was her arm candy. Lucky guy it sounds like!
 
Poker Zombie said:
Wife is a possibility. There was about 20-30 years age difference, but I can let that slide. He was fit and groomed, she looked like Roseanne Barr with trailerpark teeth. She undid her bathing suit straps for a strapless tan, he took the opportunity to yank it down exposing the lump of blubber she called a breast.
Click to expand...

Classy.
 
Andiamo's Steak House

Our last stop for the first night is Andiamo's. Located inside the "D" casino (on the 2nd floor), this upscale steakhouse is often considered in any top Vegas steakhouse list, and I see why. It is refined and classy. Sadly, I am still full from lunch 6 hours earlier. Even more sad, is this place has no dress code. Nothing breaks down the classy flavor of a nice restaurant than sitting within earshot of the Jersey Shore fan club, in their tank tops and cutoff shorts.

Since we were so full, we opted for something lighter on the menu. I got seared sea scallops and Mrs Zombie went with Frutti di Mare, with a squid ink pasta, with grilled asparagus and Cipollini Onions.
2017-06-20 20.30.02.jpg

We polished off the mains, much to the delight of our tongues. Our bellies however, were screaming. They will get their revenge at some point, and the unloading is going to take place in a very small linen closet the Plaza (where we are staying) calls a bathroom. And that bathroom does not have a ventilation fan.

Andiamo's Steak House: 4 Brains. The food was superb, and there is only so much in the way of clientele you can turn away. However, I wore a white suit and they only had black napkins. If this does not sound like a big deal, you've missed out on true top-end restaurant eating. There were a handful of other faux-paxs, but The Jersey boy club would never notice, so why should they even try?
 
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Wow, thank you! Sat here with a big grin on my face from start to finish.
Looking forward to further additions! (y) :thumbsup:(y) :thumbsup:
 

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