Had to Troll Somebody Today

Moxie Mike

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Some of my friends thought this was funny. Tagging @Hornet because his occupation is relevant. Tagging @Beakertwang @shorticus @upNdown and @toynoob because I think they'll appreciate it.

Background: I run a marketing firm named MoxieMen Inc. I get solicitation emails daily (doesn't everyone) and most are unintrusive but sometimes I get one from someone whose persistence becomes a nuisance. Enjoy!

Hello [removed],

Thanks so much for reaching out again and for your persistence in seeking a law firm to partner with. I'm so glad that you've decided that our firm is worthy of such a relationship!

I've hesitated to respond to your past messages because as you can imagine, a firm such as MoxieMen routinely receives many similar inquiries from law offices looking to handle our overflow of clients and we are very selective about who we do business with. But the timestamp on your most recent email of 7 am on a Saturday tells us you're a hustler and a true go-getter and you will go the extra mile for any clients (human or otherwise) that we send your way.

As luck would have it, we have a case that just signed on with us that might be in your wheelhouse that quite frankly might be a little outside our normal frame of expertise. Please let me know what you think and if your firm has experience successfully litigating similar situations in the past.

You may recall the news story from last fall of the otter who was tragically killed crossing the street near the intersection of Gratiot and 8-Mile Rd in Detroit. In case you're unfamiliar, the otter, who would be later identified as Mario Marsupius, was a well respected figure in the otter community and great-great grandson of Caitlyn Jenner (the Walrus not the olympic hero). Mario was struck by a passing 10-year old boy on a scooter and passed away several days later when veterinarians were unfortunately left with the heart-wrenching choice of removing Mario from life support. Mario passed away peacefully and we believe he's living his best otter-after-life in the great river in the sky.

After a lengthy police investigation that included reviews of traffic cam footage, the boy who struck Mario with his electric scooter was cleared of all charges after it was determined that Mario was at least in part at fault for his own demise. It turned out that Mario was distracted by his smart phone and was busy checking out profiles on the 'Your Dam or Mine' dating app at the time of the accident and this whole tragedy could have been avoided if Mario had just waited until he'd reached the safety of the sidewalk before resuming swiping left and right hoping to hook up with some beaver.

Now we normally refer these types of clients to the esteemed law firm of Dewey, Cheatham and Howe - an office with whom we have a well established relationship. But those guys are pretty busy with the class-action lawsuit against the makers of Wrigley Chewing Gum for failing to make their clients as charming and attractive as their commercials suggest. I hope they win a ga-ga-gazillion dollars from those fraudulent marketers!

Now if you think all this is ridiculous - you'd probably be correct in that assessment. But if so, you'll also understand how ridiculous I find it that you've emailed me 5 times in the past few days without spending the 10 seconds it would have required to figure out that MoxieMen isn't a law firm.

As such, we have not actually been retained to get #justiceformario. In fact, I don't believe that the plaintiffs in the case have retained counsel at all. So if you're looking for new clients, that might be an excellent lead to pursue!



On Sat, Apr 10, 2021 at 7:03 AM [removed]
Mike,
I know you’re busy so I’ll make this last message brief.
It would appear the stars haven’t aligned for a partnership between our firms just yet, but we won’t close the door on future opportunities.
[removed] is here for your Michigan clients the next time you need a firm to take a personal injury and auto accident case off your hands.
Just reply to this message any time and we’ll pick up where we left off.
Thanks,
[removed]






IF YOU NO LONGER WISH TO RECEIVE THESE ADVERTISEMENTS, PLEASE RESPOND WITH “STOP”.



On Mon, Apr 5, 2021 at 4:02 am, [removed] wrote:

Mike,
I wanted to check back in since I’ve sent a few messages now. I know how easily emails can get lost in the shuffle.
If you’re not the best person to explore partnership opportunities with [removed], would you mind CC’ing someone who is?
Thanks,
[removed]
IF YOU NO LONGER WISH TO RECEIVE THESE ADVERTISEMENTS, PLEASE RESPOND WITH “STOP”.



On Thu, Apr 1, 2021 at 3:46 am, [removed] wrote:

Mike,
Whenever you refer a client to an outside firm, you want to make sure they get the same attention and care that you would provide.
If you refer a client to [removed] for a car, truck or motorcycle accident or other personal injury case, that’s exactly what they’ll receive. Here’s what one client had to say about our service:
“They helped me through every part even when I was ready to give up. They helped get me medical care and money to continue my medical that the insurance company and driver should have paid.”
That’s just the tip of the iceberg. There are plenty more testimonials on our Google Reviews page, where we have a full 5-star rating. But if you don’t need any more convincing, would you want to talk about joining our referral program Tuesday?
Thanks,
[removed]
 

Highli99

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Right click “mark as spam”. Never get another message. As marketing firm you probably know this already but most of these emails are auto generated out of hubspot or similar. There is no person behind the curtain just an intern loading email lists.
 

tabletalker7

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Right click “mark as spam”. Never get another message. As marketing firm you probably know this already but most of these emails are auto generated out of hubspot or similar. There is no person behind the curtain just an intern loading email lists.
Don't listen to this and keep digging. I bet you find a guy who can give you a GREAT DEAL on a used car warranty.
 

Moxie Mike

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Right click “mark as spam”. Never get another message. As marketing firm you probably know this already but most of these emails are auto generated out of hubspot or similar. There is no person behind the curtain just an intern loading email lists.
What would be the fun in that?

Right click “mark as spam”. Never get another message. As marketing firm you probably know this already but most of these emails are auto generated out of hubspot or similar. There is no person behind the curtain just an intern loading email lists.
I'm sure my email address has been bought and sold so many time it could qualify as a cryptocurrency :) But as far as email automation goes, there's usually a human assigned to watch an inbox for any responses. I doubt anyone will reply... but someone at their office or marketing agency on record will probably see it.
 

Highli99

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Haha if it feels good then continue. It just struck me that your situation was similar to folks who argue with Twitter bots.

as someone on the sales side myself, it struck me that a good sales person could spin your reply into engagement.
 

Moxie Mike

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Haha if it feels good then continue. It just struck me that your situation was similar to folks who argue with Twitter bots.

as someone on the sales side myself, it struck me that a good sales person could spin your reply into engagement.
Every once in a while I get in the mood to write something creative. I doubt I'll get a response from them but if I do I'll share it here.
 

Moxie Mike

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Well it's been over a week and I received no response. I guess those lawyer types don't have much of a sense of humor :)
 
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