@Eriks... the only thing wrong with you is that you're human... so join the club!
Mankind is wired for relationships. Stuff doesn't ever give us lasting joy. It just lures us in with the illusion of fulfillment, and then it leaves us empty-handed.
As
@Ben8257,
@FordPickup92 and others have pointed out, the real joy of this hobby comes from the moments we have together. There is also thrill in the hunt, and it can be quite fun to express ourselves creatively, as many have mentioned with custom chips and so on.
For me, I go in and out of the binge and purge cycle as a chipper. When I've been a gluttonous pig, I feel pretty bad about myself. When I let go of things I had once coveted, whether to friend or stranger, it liberates me and gives me peace of mind that is missing during the binge phase.
I am not always able to hold back the monster in me, but when I put in a concerted effort to help others, perhaps finding chips they've been struggling after, it gives me so much more enjoyment than any selfish pursuit could ever provide.
I think we all have a dark side. My PCF name is representative of this concept.
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For some people, the hobby might run its course and lose its luster. For me, it's the lasting friendships that keep me going.
How do you combat all of this negativity? Play some poker. Help a friend. Help a stranger. Design cool chips and goodies. Sell stuff, when you need to combat the monster. Take a longer break, when you need a full reset. You may come back stronger than ever, or maybe you just need something else in your life. Either way, it's all about relationships IMHO.
Thank you
@Eriks for starting this discussion. You are not alone in your struggles. Godspeed on your quest to finding greater purpose and meaning.
@Steppenwolf