Tough one: whether to write to friend from years ago in prison for awful crime (1 Viewer)

[John Conor]

I consider the compulsion towards child pornography to be a mental disorder. There's a huge stigma associated with this type of crime given the fact that children are involved, as well there should be, but I believe it should be treated as a disease. Something within David's brain is causing him to be turned on by that, just like some people get their rocks off being pissed on. Therefore, I believe he is entitled to seek rehabilitation and some sort of normalcy after serving his due time.

That being said, you don't need to do this outreach to assuage any feelings that you must extend a hand to the downtrodden. You haven't kept up with him for a reason. Trash the letter and move on brother.

I agree with this. The man is clearly sick, proven by the fact that he couldn't even keep himself from looking at pictures on a computer that wasn't his and while at work to boot. That being said, I'm sure he wants to kill himself now. All you need to do is watch one episode of MSNBC's Lock-Up to know how people in his situation are treated in prison. If and when he gets out, he will be registered and everyone will know what he did, wherever he goes for the rest of his life, complete with a mugshot available to anyone with Google. If you were close and you are thinking about him, maybe throwing him a note wouldn't be the end of the world and who knows what it could do for him, in his current situation (regardless of the fact that he put himself there/may deserve it). Just my thoughts, good luck either way!

 

[bergs]

It's not worth it for a casual friend. No brainer. Don't send the letter.

 

[Wils]

My two cents (worth approx 1.5 cents after import tax) - unless you want to be this persons emotional, moral and psychological crutch until forever, don't send it.

Apart from anything else it might look a bit weird... Kinda "Hi, we haven't spoken in years, but I've just found out you're a paedophile in prison, so I thought I'd say hello."

FWIW I'm not of the "all paedophiles are eeevil" persuasion - they're usually normal people with an abnormal condition and I'd rather see them "cured" than killed, but unless you want this to be a lifelong thing, you're probably only opening up a whole world of issues for yourself.

Ask yourself, if you don't send it, what future situations could make you profoundly regret not sending it?

Now ask the same question, but where you do send it...

 

[Anthony Martino]

Also in the camp of this being a mental disorder requiring treatment and not in the "let's kill em all!" camp.

I was also going to mention the possibility of sending it anonymously. Hell, if it means that much to you, get a PO box and mail him anonymously and encourage him to keep in touch, without revealing who you are?

Although, I suppose if he were to repeat offend they could find the correspondence back and forth and your PO box and drag you into the investigation, so there's that to consider.

 

[jbutler]

You don't ever want to find yourself the target of federal prosecutors. Ever.

This, especially given your profession. Someone that I play hockey with made a comment a few weeks ago about associating with bad people, he didn't go into details but said that his life got turned upside down for a little bit because of an associate. I can draw a parallel here and say that if he ever is investigated again your association with him might bring you under the microscope.

Although, I suppose if he were to repeat offend they could find the correspondence back and forth and your PO box and drag you into the investigation, so there's that to consider.

I can appreciate that some people are overly cautious in general, but I have literally zero concern of being in any way targeted or investigated by law enforcement or any state or federal prosecutor. That doesn't figure into my decision making at all.

 

[CHP TD]

i didn't care too much about this subject before i had kids.

Now i have very strong opinions - My kids the only thing i would willingly die or kill for without reservation.

i'll now let you fill in the gaps of how i feel about it.

so my only question is? Whats in it for you?

 

[jbutler]

so my only question is? Whats in it for you?

Maybe nothing. Perhaps just the satisfaction of knowing I did the right thing, I guess.

 

[trever]

If you had been told that he was working as an electrician in Milwaukee, would you still want to send him a letter? I'm guessing no. Think honestly about why you feel the need to write, and what good/harm it would cause.

 

[jbutler]

If you had been told that he was working as an electrician in Milwaukee, would you still want to send him a letter? I'm guessing no. Think honestly about why you feel the need to write, and what good/harm it would cause.

Yeah I get that. But in general, electricians in Milwaukee aren't in lonely, miserable circumstances and prone to the belief that the rest of the world couldn't give a shit if they live or die.

Funnily enough, though, the friend I was chatting with is an accountant in Milwaukee.

 

[Jeff]

There are sone doors that should be left closed. This is one of them. There is no upside to it for you or your family.

I am interested in the content of your letter to him. I'm wondering how you addressed his problems and why you were contacting him.

 

[jbutler]

I am interested in the content of your letter to him. I'm wondering how you addressed his problems and why you were contacting him.

Just reread my letter with the question in mind. I didn't address his crime/disorder in any way. I didn't directly state why I was contacting him other than that I'd heard "what happened" (the only allusion to his offense) and that I wanted him to know people were out here and reminding him that there would be life after he got out, to keep his head up, etc. I asked him how he was doing, whether his family or anyone else was keeping in touch with him.

Full letter not really suitable for posting as it includes personal information (both mine and his) and wouldn't be very interesting at any rate.

 

[Wils]

Just reread my letter with the question in mind. I didn't address his crime/disorder in any way. I didn't directly state why I was contacting him other than that I'd heard "what happened" (the only allusion to his offense) and that I wanted him to know people were out here and reminding him that there would be life after he got out, to keep his head up, etc. I asked him how he was doing, whether his family or anyone else was keeping in touch with him.

Full letter not really suitable for posting as it includes personal information (both mine and his) and wouldn't be very interesting at any rate.

Just reread my letter with the question in mind. I didn't address his crime/disorder in any way. I didn't directly state why I was contacting him other than that I'd heard "what happened" (the only allusion to his offense) and that I wanted him to know people were out here and reminding him that there would be life after he got out, to keep his head up, etc. I asked him how he was doing, whether his family or anyone else was keeping in touch with him.

Full letter not really suitable for posting as it includes personal information (both mine and his) and wouldn't be very interesting at any rate.

Imagine the local rag headlines:

"Local Man Tells Sicko Paedophile to Look on the Bright Side. Local Dignitaries' horrified reactions on Pages 4-13"

 

[jbutler]

Imagine the local rag headlines:

"Local Man Tells Sicko Paedophile to Look on the Bright Side. Local Dignitaries' horrified reactions on Pages 4-13"

I've lived this long on the wrong side of local dignitaries.

 

[Poker Zombie]

Yeah I get that. But in general, electricians in Milwaukee aren't in lonely, miserable circumstances and prone to the belief that the rest of the world couldn't give a shit if they live or die.

You've never been in Milwaukee in the winter, high up on an utility pole, during a winter storm.

 

[surferb]

Slisk is a wise man.

I did not read all the replies but this one is so very simple for me.

If you are single, do what you want.

Since you are married, Wifey is who you have your conversation with. If she is fine with the potential that he wants to enter your lives after he gets out, then that is up to the two of you.

 

[surferb]

I think that's a good way to go. Kind action for someone in a really tough place.

Just reread my letter with the question in mind. I didn't address his crime/disorder in any way. I didn't directly state why I was contacting him other than that I'd heard "what happened" (the only allusion to his offense) and that I wanted him to know people were out here and reminding him that there would be life after he got out, to keep his head up, etc. I asked him how he was doing, whether his family or anyone else was keeping in touch with him.

Full letter not really suitable for posting as it includes personal information (both mine and his) and wouldn't be very interesting at any rate.

 

[joseywales]

Maybe we all think about reaching out to someone before they make the mistake. That's the true art. Not saying that it would have prevented what happened, or that you/anyone should feel bad about not reaching out to him prior. I'm just saying we all need to pay attention to folks who seem to be going adrift. It might be just enough for them to realize they are wanted, or perhaps more important, that they are "different" and need to seek help. The latter is what might have happened, had someone closer to David reached out. Reaching out doesn't cure anything, but if it brings awareness to that one person that they need help and they seek it, than that's a life's accomplishment for whoever the catalyst was. I'd be walking on air for a lifetime if I could make that kind of a difference in someone's life.

 

[Chicken Rob]

Maybe we all think about reaching out to someone before they make the mistake. That's the true art. Not saying that it would have prevented what happened, or that you/anyone should feel bad about not reaching out to him prior. I'm just saying we all need to pay attention to folks who seem to be going adrift. It might be just enough for them to realize they are wanted, or perhaps more important, that they are "different" and need to seek help. The latter is what might have happened, had someone closer to David reached out. Reaching out doesn't cure anything, but if it brings awareness to that one person that they need help and they seek it, than that's a life's accomplishment for whoever the catalyst was. I'd be walking on air for a lifetime if I could make that kind of a difference in someone's life.

I've made that kind of difference in 2 people's life. The feel good wears off more quickly than you'd think, but it does reenforce the behavior and makes you more likely to keep trying to help others.

In my case, both people relapsed and were dead within 5 years despite my efforts. This does not lead to bad feelings, and the time where I helped keeps me from feeling profound guilt.

 

[jbutler]

Put the letter in the mail today. Not 100% in my decision if I'm being honest but I'd rather be wrong by reaching out than be wrong not trying. If I have to cut him off later, so be it.

 

[Poker Zombie]

Staying tuned to see if he writes you back, or ignores you out of embarrassment.

 

[courage]

Put the letter in the mail today. Not 100% in my decision if I'm being honest but I'd rather be wrong by reaching out than be wrong not trying. If I have to cut him off later, so be it.

I applaud this. Hope it works out well, Jack.

 

[Wils]

Staying tuned to see if he writes you back, or ignores you out of embarrassment.

What if the guy reads the letter and thinks, "Fuck! I thought I'd left this freak behind years ago!"

 

[jbutler]

What if the guy reads the letter and thinks, "Fuck! I thought I'd left this freak behind years ago!"

Sounds like a standard Kids In The Hall sketch.

 

[MegaTon44]

Five years from now, you'll get a knock on the door and David will be standing there with a big smile on his face:

David: "Hi Jack [gives big creepy hug], thank you so much for your letter. It truly got me through some tough times. Now that I am out, I wanted to come thank you in person"

Jack:" No problem man. I'm glad that I could provide some relief during a difficult time"

David: "So.....do you have a spare bedroom that I can use, preferably one with Internet access"

 

[jbutler]

Five years from now, you'll get a knock on the door and David will be standing there with a big smile on his face:

David: "Hi Jack [gives big creepy hug], thank you so much for your letter. It truly got me through some tough times. Now that I am out, I wanted to come thank you in person"

Jack:" No problem man. I'm glad that I could provide some relief during a difficult time"

David: "So.....do you have a spare bedroom that I can use, preferably one with Internet access"

Came back to this thread because I got a response today. Don't know what it says yet, wife just said I got a letter from prison.

But this comment made me remember a horribly underrated comedy from years ago called Chuck and Buck about childhood friends reconnecting and them not being on quite the same wavelength. It was the first movie by Mike White who went on to make excellent stuff in lots of comedic subgenres: The Good Girl, Orange County, School of Rock, Nacho Libre, The Year of the Dog, Enlightened (and apparently, according to Wikipedia, he's writing Pitch Perfect 3 which is great news).

 

[joseywales]

You know. I received a couple calls a few weeks back. They were collect calls from a prison. Looking back, I probably should have just taken the second call, because clearly someone had the wrong phone number. I could have at least let the guy know that. He was trying to reach out to someone and now maybe thinks that person doesn't want to talk to him. I would do it differently next time.

 

[Skeeter]

Tough call, but sometimes you have to let go, no matter how hard it might be. If it were me, I would burn the letter and just leave it alone. It adds unnecessary drama into your life, and while he's a old friend, I doubt he's the same old friend you remember. Just my personal opinion as a father of two daughters.

 

[jbutler]

Letter is pretty standard. Just chatting a bit honestly. Gonna write him back and send him some record reviews he asked for.

FWIW my wife was unreservedly in favor of my writing him and was psyched to see a response.

 

[Skeeter]

Letter is pretty standard. Just chatting a bit honestly. Gonna write him back and send him some record reviews he asked for.

FWIW my wife was unreservedly in favor of my writing him and was psyched to see a response.

Honestly, her opinion is the only one that really matters. Kudos to the both of you!

 

[Mental Nomad]

He's a rat in a cage, for now.

You're makin' it a little more like Rat Park for him.

Yeah, that's a reference to a drug abuse study, but I think the concept applies.