Tell me a good story. (1 Viewer)

MrCatPants

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I'm bored. Checked PCF. Nothing interesting today.

So tell me an interesting story you are involved in. No books please, short ones. I'll start.

In college, there was a year I had three roommates. One of them purchased a recliner on winter break from an estate sale and brought it to the apartment. Mid-spring we were watching TV and he dropped the remote and it fell in between the back an seat cushion. He had to dig around for a bit and then managed to pull out the largest brazier in both cup size and overall length I ever have and probably will ever see. (No judgment, just didn't expect a giant bra would be coming out of there.) And he just stared at me in confusion. I told him I didn't know anything about it. He didn't either. We never asked our other roommate about it, but to this day I know there's a 50/50 chance we bought a recliner with a giant bra in it, or our third roommate was involved in the giant bra getting there. But I'll die and never know the truth.
 
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Was just talking to friends about my last trip to Green Bay. We found a hole-in-the-wall bar in DePere, and ordered beers. She asked short or tall. Naturally, we got talls.

Beers came out, 32oz. Glasses. $6

I drank $42 worth of beer , as did everyone else. No idea how we got home. Lucky to be alive I guess….


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One of my best friends attended a prestigious college, one of the other fraternity houses was hosting a party, about 150 people give or take.. unfortunately, they had a brother that was pissed about something and started drinking in the house (the party was in an unattached building). The villain was belligerent and one of the other brothers decided they needed to call an ambulance to help him as they were fearful he might have imbibed a bit too much. In college fashion, the police arrive first for safety. The brother that was in charge of the venue was concerned about underaged drinking, so he politely asked me to assist in removing all of the alcohol, most of which was in 12 / 16 oz cans. We filled up 3 55 gallon trash cans, and I promptly took them directly to my friends fraternity house. I was a god among men for the next few weeks, to both fraternities.
 
summer, 16 year old frog. We all commit to our respective conservative parents that we are staying with a friend for movies or something (we intend to actually play poker), entirely too late we realize we can’t stay over at said friend, and can’t go back to our parents, and decide to all play poker through the night at Whataburger. Whataburger isn’t thrilled but allows it. And we all get free refills the entire time, lol.

Around 4 am a man comes in. With the man, a 2 year old kid nearly tripping on an adult medium shirt. The man waits on his order, is friendly with us, everyone thinks the poker game and our temporary homelessness is amusing. After his order, he starts shoveling the little sugar packs in the bag. We are curious, he explains, tomorrow there is a custody hearing for little Tim Tim. And he plans to fill the gas tank of little Tim Tim’s mom with said sugar. He says around 8:30 he’ll be driving by, and then little Tim Tim demonstrated his bye bye wave for us.
 
Was just talking to friends about my last trip to Green Bay. We found a hole-in-the-wall bar in DePere, and ordered beers. She asked short or tall. Naturally, we got talks.

Beers came out, 32oz. Glasses. $6

I drank $42 worth of beer , as did everyone else. No idea how we got home. Lucky to be alive I guess….


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Whoohoo….

That story got me my 20,000th “like”
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One of my best friends attended a prestigious college, one of the other fraternity houses was hosting a party, about 150 people give or take.. unfortunately, they had a brother that was pissed about something and started drinking in the house (the party was in an unattached building). The villain was belligerent and one of the other brothers decided they needed to call an ambulance to help him as they were fearful he might have imbibed a bit too much. In college fashion, the police arrive first for safety. The brother that was in charge of the venue was concerned about underaged drinking, so he politely asked me to assist in removing all of the alcohol, most of which was in 12 / 16 oz cans. We filled up 3 55 gallon trash cans, and I promptly took them directly to my friends fraternity house. I was a god among men for the next few weeks, to both fraternities.
How heavy were those dang trash cans?
 
summer, 16 year old frog. We all commit to our respective conservative parents that we are staying with a friend for movies or something (we intend to actually play poker), entirely too late we realize we can’t stay over at said friend, and can’t go back to our parents, and decide to all play poker through the night at Whataburger. Whataburger isn’t thrilled but allows it. And we all get free refills the entire time, lol.

Around 4 am a man comes in. With the man, a 2 year old kid nearly tripping on an adult medium shirt. The man waits on his order, is friendly with us, everyone thinks the poker game and our temporary homelessness is amusing. After his order, he starts shoveling the little sugar packs in the bag. We are curious, he explains, tomorrow there is a custody hearing for little Tim Tim. And he plans to fill the gas tank of little Tim Tim’s mom with said sugar. He says around 8:30 he’ll be driving by, and then little Tim Tim demonstrated his bye bye wave for us.
A real winner
 
Back in the late 80’s, I used to work weekends as a part-time bartender for events in the Hamptons. Lots of run-ins with celebrities.

One evening at a large fund-raising cocktail party, of which I was one of a number of bartenders, supermodel Elle Macpherson walks up in front of me and says, “Vin blanc”.
After I hand her the glass, my only thought was, “Damn, those 3 years of high-school French finally pays off!”

She came back specifically to my station again later when she wanted a refill, and I got nothing but dirty looks from the other bartenders all night. :ROFL: :ROFLMAO:
 
We had one of those giant Sam's Club sized M&M's packs in our house and I grabbed it and dumped some in my hand to eat. As I was about to eat them, I noticed they were all blue and thought it odd that M&M sold packs by color. Well, as I proceeded to eat more, I realized it was just a normal package of M&M's and I had managed to shake only blue M&M's out of the pack.

Obviously have no way to prove this and no one believes me when I mention it, but I somehow managed to pull off the most impressive M&M pour.
 
Three short stories, all from my first job working fast food (like many). For background, not terribly long after starting, I worked my way to register and my manager realized I had a very clear speaking voice (thank you high school theater class!) and put me on drive through. I guess her thinking was folks could understand me better on the tinny speaker in the back than most. Also for reference, this was early-to-mid 1990s.


1) It's a pleasant early evening in the desert. I hear the chime for a car over the headset and take a pretty routine order. The cook in the back is busy making the food and I fill the drink. As the car pulls up to the window, I see the driver isn't wearing a shirt, but that's not out of the ordinary. I go to collect the money and see the driver is not only parked a ways from the window, but is also not being terribly helpful reaching with his money where I can get to it. I lean as far out the window as possible to see the driver isn't just shirtless but is full au naturale without a stitch of anything on.

I collect his money, give him change and hand off his drink. I close the window as the food isn't quite done and look over to the young girl at the till at the front counter and say "see the guy in the car behind me (my back was to the window)? He's naked." She makes a move to try to take a look and I tell her "you give him his order" as I put the last item in the bag. She takes it from me and when she's done handing the food over she closes the window, looks back at me with saucer wide eyes and says "he is naked!". Not traumatic by any means, but clearly not expected and his behavior was such that he wanted be noticed.


2) It's later in the evening, properly dinner time but well past dinner rush. I hear the chime and the order "could I get two plain baked potatoes" come across the line. We had potatoes with a few different fillings (sour cream and butter, chili and something else I don't remember) but we always topped these to order and had a holding oven with the plain potatoes. There was a button on the POS terminal for plain, but I had never taken an order for them. I asked, as usual, "would like anything else with that?", received a negative response and gave the total before the drove up to the window ($2.07... why I remember that I do not know).

I bag up the potatoes, utensils and napkins as well as a handful of butter pats and go to the window. Outside waiting for me to finish is a brand new, probably $50,000 red SUV with Jim Click (a locally well known car dealer) behind the wheel with his (presumable) wife in the passenger seat. He paid and drive away as if this was perfectly normal.

Only thing I can think is they had steaks waiting at home and realized they didn't have potatoes, but why did they both come and bring the gigantic truck as well.


3) I get asked by my manager if I could work a Sunday breakfast shift. I usually worked evenings as they meshed better with my school schedule, but breakfast on a weekend would be no problem. Things we going well on a cool and quiet morning. I had just finished with a car and was tidying up my drawer as usual after a sale. I hear a tapping on the window and expect the folks I had just finished with needed something else. I open the window and as I look out I see the side of a horse.

A horse!!

A horse in my drive through.

I poke my head out the window and look up at a gentleman astride said horse and ask, as if this were completely normal "may I help you?" He asks for a cup of black coffee. I punch the buttons on the register and give him the total to find he already had the exact change in hand. Clearly, this wasn't his first time doing this. I pour his coffee, hand it over and watch him trot off.

I mention this to the person operating the register to my left and she says "oh, yeah. He's here every Sunday." The store I worked at was a quarter mile from a dry wash and it turns out this gentleman would take his horse out for a ride every Sunday and part of his routine was to stop in and get a cup of coffee partway through his ride.

Turns out, the sensor loop in the back was magnetic and not a pressure sensor. The horse didn't have enough metal onboard to set the sensor off, requiring the tap on the window to place an order.



So, three of my most memorable fast food drive through stories. The terrible thing is all three stories have convolved into one featuring Jim Click, naked on horseback coming through the drive through. :oops:
 
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We had one of those giant Sam's Club sized M&M's packs in our house and I grabbed it and dumped some in my hand to eat. As I was about to eat them, I noticed they were all blue and thought it odd that M&M sold packs by color. Well, as I proceeded to eat more, I realized it was just a normal package of M&M's and I had managed to shake only blue M&M's out of the pack.

Obviously have no way to prove this and no one believes me when I mention it, but I somehow managed to pull off the most impressive M&M pour.
I just did a little research and found this:
“According to the manufacturer, each package of Milk Chocolate M&M’s should contain 24% blue, 13% brown, 16% green, 20% orange, 13% red, and 14% yellow M&M’s on average.”

I didn’t realize there was color inequality with M&Ms. So mathematically, blue has the highest chance of being the one picked from the bag. But pouring a handful? That’s way beyond my math skills. :ROFL: :ROFLMAO:
 
I just did a little research and found this:
“According to the manufacturer, each package of Milk Chocolate M&M’s should contain 24% blue, 13% brown, 16% green, 20% orange, 13% red, and 14% yellow M&M’s on average.”

I didn’t realize there was color inequality with M&Ms. So mathematically, blue has the highest chance of being the one picked from the bag. But pouring a handful? That’s way beyond my math skills. :ROFL: :ROFLMAO:
.24 to the x power, x equaling the number of m&ms poured into said hand.
 
Does this account for the fact that, as each blue M&M emerges, the chance the next one being blue is lower, because there are now less of them in the bag?
This equation is like the preflop calcs, and the pour can be considered one fell swoop! IF we poured one, checked for blueness, and poured one again, then we've got problems.
 
Does this account for the fact that, as each blue M&M emerges, the chance the next one being blue is lower, because there are now less of them in the bag?
It depends on if each bag consists of 24% blue m&ms, or if 24% of all m&ms are blue and the amount in each bag is random. I’m assuming the second.
 
I got an unnecessary long one for you to pass the time.

I was in the military on a peacekeeping mission in a country ravaged by civil war and invasion the last 15 years (it was still occupied), and we were stationed in a small camp outside a town, holding 2 rifle squads. On top of the shelter and sloping down away from the camp we had a small 20m firing range, primarily used for checking that your iron sights (this was 25+ years ago) were aligned in case you had banged your rifle. It could only be used at daytime since there was no light there. There was 2m tall barbed wired around the camp.

Anyways, after a session up there a guy in my squad, let's call him Mr. Oakley was looking for his sunglasses and was pretty obsessed in finding them. After a couple of hours he stomped in to the prefab we were hanging out in, furious. His sunglasses were stolen! He knew this because the field telephone at the shooting range was missing too, and that's the last time he had seen them. He had checked the barbed wire at the end of the shooting range and sure enough, it was shot to pieces and you could (slowly) make it through there (and keep your clothes on), so he had spent the last hour trying to mend the remaining barbed wire to somewhat cover that up. We also remember a goat herder (and goats) not far from the camp when we were at the range.
So now he tracked down the LT that was sorta camp commander (the camp was his responsibility, the rifle squads rotated with other squads and camps) to get new barbed wire, which was out of the question (there simple weren't any and a request for it wouldn't be even considered and declined before we were heading home some 3-4 months later).

Mr. Oakley was now on mission. He wanted to lay up in an unmanned observation tower in the camp (10m high or something) with his rifle and NVGs. The LT talked him out of it and instead offered trip wires, which he accepted after realizing that he wouldn't be allowed to shoot unarmed locals in the face on a peacekeeping mission. He inspected every inch of the barbed wire around the camp, did some adjustments but the main issue was at the end of the range. So the following morning after the morning brief, he called the entire camp up to the shooting range. He was a private like me so obviously he didn't have mandate to do this, but we all realized that this was the least resistance way, even the LT. So he did a full brief of where the trip wires were placed inside the barbed wire, and that when (not if) it went off, every fucker in the camp and his rifle had 30 seconds to get up here and catch the thief.

The night passed with no trip flares, we continued with our everyday tasks and in the evening, it was around 21 - 22 and pitch black and we hear. Fzzt! Bang! and a whistling sound. We all were familiar with SA fire, mortars and artillery but we've never heard this sound before. It took us about a second before we realized. The trip wire! Every one in the "living room prefab" grabbed their rifle and sprinted to the range. It was now a race to get there before Mr. Oakley got his hands on the poor SOB. You have to run up a flight of stairs to get on top of the shelter and if you told the guys there were a million dollars on the range we couldn't have gotten there faster. And there we saw a single person, caught in the barbed wire, lit up by the blazing trip wire. It was Mr. Oakley... "Sorry guys! I just wanted to check that the wire was tight enough!". After getting lose from the barbed wire, he immediately set up a new one.

PS! I was back in the camp a year later. The trip wire was still there and still live. It might still be there.
PPS! I've been friends with Mr. Oakley after that mission and consider him one of my best friends.
 
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When I was about 19 I had a 1983 Ford EXP that had battery connection issues. It had a 5 speed manual transmission. One late foggy summer night I was leaving a friend’s house after some beers and when I jumped in the car and turned the key I heard the dreaded “click click click”. I got out, propped up the hood and started jiggling the battery connections. The problem was I left the ignition on and the car was in first gear with no emergency brake. The car didn’t actually start but the starter motor made the car mash my shin, then propelled it across a cul de sac and into the broad side of some dude’s Olds 88 sitting in his driveway a few houses away. After the crash lights come on in the house and the cars owner walks out to see what the hell happened. He sees my car smashed into his with the hood still propped up. I tell him this is hard to believe but I ran into your car and I wasn’t even driving. He laughed at my explanation and noticed most of the damage was to my car. He said “get the hell out of here” and I complied. My car just had plastic bumper damage that I never did fix.
 
I just did a little research and found this:
“According to the manufacturer, each package of Milk Chocolate M&M’s should contain 24% blue, 13% brown, 16% green, 20% orange, 13% red, and 14% yellow M&M’s on average.”

I didn’t realize there was color inequality with M&Ms. So mathematically, blue has the highest chance of being the one picked from the bag. But pouring a handful? That’s way beyond my math skills. :ROFL: :ROFLMAO:
Source!
 
I just did a little research and found this:
“According to the manufacturer, each package of Milk Chocolate M&M’s should contain 24% blue, 13% brown, 16% green, 20% orange, 13% red, and 14% yellow M&M’s on average.”

I didn’t realize there was color inequality with M&Ms. So mathematically, blue has the highest chance of being the one picked from the bag. But pouring a handful? That’s way beyond my math skills. :ROFL: :ROFLMAO:

I was so annoyed to find this out a couple years ago. I ignorantly have done a few M&M flips and they are fun but this ruined it

.24 to the x power, x equaling the number of m&ms poured into said hand.
This is good for “all blue” but if you want “all same color” you wanna add in .2^n for yellow, .16^n for green, etc
 
In high school, one day after golf practice my friend and I were hungry and so we stopped at a pizza place for dinner. We told the waiter we were starving and were asking how big a medium was and how big a large was, and how thick the pizza was (we’d never been there before). Ultimately, we settled on the large. The waiter thought medium was the right move, and talked with the other servers, and they bet us the cost of the meal that we couldn’t finish it.

We were like 17 so bound and determined and ate until way past full. On our last pieces and I could feel I wasn’t going to make it. I head up to go to the restroom as my stomach starts fighting back, but it’s a single restroom and someone’s in there. I wait for like 60 seconds and realize I’m not going to win the battle and barely make it out the front door and then puke in the parking lot. What I didn’t realize is my friend was in a similar boat, he sees me puke and has the puke reflex response to watching someone puke, and pukes all over the floor. He leaves 30 bucks (this is like 20 years ago, and so ‘squares’ us with the bet) and leaves out the side door and we head out into the sunset never to return.
 
Got a finance job with a small sign on bonus last month of college. Immediately put that as a down payment on a Honda CBR600RR that I was not qualified to operate. Rode a lot 1st day, dream come true. 2nd day someone pulled out in front, panic stopped and locked up the brakes, no real issue just a couple scrapes. 3rd day didn’t ride. 4th day started it with the clutch half engaged, bike went flying away, knocked me over and busted my knee, totaled the bike. Dream over.

Fast forward a week to graduation. Just to be seated, not the actual graduation ceremony, the process was go in staging area, then go down as a line 8 flights of stairs in the basketball arena. One of my knees doesn’t work, brace has it locked straight, so I’m going down the stairs but not quickly. There is a gap forming in front of me. And then some of the helpers start yelling “COME NOW KEEP COMING”. And the graduation ceremony staff who can see me yelled back “HES COMING BUT ITS A GIMP”. And then came the echos of “WE GOT A GIMP!” as that message got relayed from staff to staff, floor by floor.
 
Got a finance job with a small sign on bonus last month of college. Immediately put that as a down payment on a Honda CBR600RR that I was not qualified to operate. Rode a lot 1st day, dream come true. 2nd day someone pulled out in front, panic stopped and locked up the brakes, no real issue just a couple scrapes. 3rd day didn’t ride. 4th day started it with the clutch half engaged, bike went flying away, knocked me over and busted my knee, totaled the bike. Dream over.

Fast forward a week to graduation. Just to be seated, not the actual graduation ceremony, the process was go in staging area, then go down as a line 8 flights of stairs in the basketball arena. One of my knees doesn’t work, brace has it locked straight, so I’m going down the stairs but not quickly. There is a gap forming in front of me. And then some of the helpers start yelling “COME NOW KEEP COMING”. And the graduation ceremony staff who can see me yelled back “HES COMING BUT ITS A GIMP”. And then came the echos of “WE GOT A GIMP!” as that message got relayed from staff to staff, floor by floor.
and henceforth, Gimpzilla.
 
A very fresh story. This just happened today...

Our dryer has a very loud, annoying buzzer that goes off 3 times during the cycle.

So I tell my wife I can just disconnect the buzzer. My wife says don't. I say, "it's easy, honey, don't worry!" I unplug the machine, open the back, and find what I think is the housing for the buzzer. I take a couple screws out, pull off the cover to get at the wires and...8 tiny sprockets come tumbling out on to the ground. It was the timer gear box! I can't find schematics or pictures or videos online of how the gears are supposed to fit because apparently no one else on the internet is as dumb as me (let that sink in).

A more prudent man would have stopped then and either called a repair tech or ordered a new, in tact gear box for $50. Not me! I spend almost 2 hours trying to figure out how to fit the darn sprockets, gears, and doodads until finally, I think I have it right. I reassemble and quickly hide any evidence of my crime from my wife.

A little while later, my wife wants to know why the dryer timer is running backwards, counting from 30 minutes up to 60.

Oh, and the buzzer is still buzzing.
 
I've worked various retail jobs over many years in the past. I have a certain empathy for other retail workers because I know that they have to deal with all kinds of people (some not so pleasant). It's my philosophy that everyone should have to work with the public at some point in their life. People would probably be nicer to each other.

I'll call this experience "On the Edge..."

Three weeks ago this Saturday, I went shopping at a major retail pharmacy in the So Cal area. There was a line of 6-8 people. A customer was talking to the cashier for 4-5 minutes asking why they weren't getting a discount and showing them what the store had advertised on their phone. Finally, the cashier ddid the right thing and said that you'll have to speak to my manger and calls the manager over to speak to this customer.

I walked up to the register to pay for my item and told the cashier, "good call." They said ,"what do you mean." I said, "Getting your manger involved. That's what they're for right?" Another customer in line shouts, "Yeah, you guys work too hard." The cashier suddenly looks at me and says, "why don't you just go ahead and take whatever you want, everyone else does anyway. I've got a gun!" I immediately backed up and said "whoa." He finished ringing me up and asked if I wanted a receipt. I said no, that's okay. Then he looks at me and says, "Go on and get the f**k out of here and don't ever come back. I don't give a shit where you shop!" Needless to say, I was stunned and everyone in line became quiet.

I went back to the store 2 days later and the same cashier was there. I went to speak to the manger in private. I related my experience and he was extremely apologetic and said that we train our employees to do... I said, "Thank you, but I came here to "warn" you about this employee. All due respect, I don't believe that this is a training issue. This is not normal behavior. This is a Red Flag." I told him neither myself, my family, nor any of my friends will step foot in this store again because the next time that he snaps without provocation, I don't want to be anywhere near this place.

There's been too many stories about people who lose their mind and go somewhere (place of employment) and start shooting. Most of the time there were always Red Flags that were ignored. I certainly hope that this isn't the case here.
 
Here's one that just happened today.

Went to the Dunkin Donuts near me today to pick up half a dozen donuts because I felt like treating the kids. This particular location is located within a convenience store as a part of a gas station on a main road.

I use the east entrance with the parking spaces in front of the store to my right. Some Range Rover like SUV comes barreling in through the south entrance, through a filling station and into a parking spot right in front of me, looking like they're in a hurry.

The lot is empty and I park two spots over to the right because I'm not a sociopathic animal that parks right next to the only other car in the lot.

Somehow I get out of my car before this person, but suddenly I see a middle aged woman, looking to be in a huge rush run up to the entrance of the store in back of me.

I open the door and see this lady giving me some of the most evil eyes looking back at me. I open the door and let her through in front of me.

Not before she even gets to the counter, she blurts out "DO YOU HAVE ANY MUFFINS LEFT???". She sees a collection of about 7 or 8 muffins in the display counter from about 10 feet away and breathes an audible sigh of relief. She gets closer and grunts. "UGH, NO CHOCOLATE CHIP?!?!? FUCK". And storms out without saying anything. I order my donuts from the shellshocked teenage girl at the counter, thank her, and leave.

What I am curious about is what this woman wanted with a chocolate chip muffin so desperately at 2pm on a Saturday.

I guess it's one of those things that you had to be there to appreciate it, but once I got back to the car, I lost it. I haven't laughed that hard in a long while lol
 
Here's one that just happened today.

Went to the Dunkin Donuts near me today to pick up half a dozen donuts because I felt like treating the kids. This particular location is located within a convenience store as a part of a gas station on a main road.

I use the east entrance with the parking spaces in front of the store to my right. Some Range Rover like SUV comes barreling in through the south entrance, through a filling station and into a parking spot right in front of me, looking like they're in a hurry.

The lot is empty and I park two spots over to the right because I'm not a sociopathic animal that parks right next to the only other car in the lot.

Somehow I get out of my car before this person, but suddenly I see a middle aged woman, looking to be in a huge rush run up to the entrance of the store in back of me.

I open the door and see this lady giving me some of the most evil eyes looking back at me. I open the door and let her through in front of me.

Not before she even gets to the counter, she blurts out "DO YOU HAVE ANY MUFFINS LEFT???". She sees a collection of about 7 or 8 muffins in the display counter from about 10 feet away and breathes an audible sigh of relief. She gets closer and grunts. "UGH, NO CHOCOLATE CHIP?!?!? FUCK". And storms out without saying anything. I order my donuts from the shellshocked teenage girl at the counter, thank her, and leave.

What I am curious about is what this woman wanted with a chocolate chip muffin so desperately at 2pm on a Saturday.

I guess it's one of those things that you had to be there to appreciate it, but once I got back to the car, I lost it. I haven't laughed that hard in a long while lol
#countchocula
 
Since you opened with a college story, then a puke story:

Freshman year. We host our first party in our suite.

One of my roommates has a friend visiting, who drinks too much and passes out on the couch.

At some point in the wee hours of the morning, the roommate’s friend pukes on the corner of the new deep pile rug in our common room.

Roommate’s friend flees into the dawn.

Now five of us are standing around staring at the mound of puke, trying to compel the roommate into cleaning up his buddy’s mess.

He shrugs, then goes and fetches a big pair of scissors.

Cuts the corner of the rug off.

Flings it out the window like a frisbee.

Problem solved, I guess.

I wound up rooming with this guy all four years.
 
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