Regular Steaming to the Point of Being Annoying (2 Viewers)

merkong

merkong

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Good morning poker friends. Ken here, home poker host and owner of the game at The Godfather Club. I have something worth pondering…

I have a regular player, “Gutterball” a near 60 year old player who I’ve been playing poker with regularly (multiple sessions a week) for nearly 20 years. He has a relatively small friend network and my game and its players are the vast majority of his social life. He’s chatty but tells the same stories, personal accounts, jokes, and foibles over and over and over and over. He’s a little hard of hearing so he is loud. And I mean loud. He is not the greatest conversationalist; he elbows into discussions just to provide something relatable that everyone has heard many, many times before. All of this to the point that I somewhat protect new players from being bombarded by his tales and the rest of the table from having to endure these same tired renditions. He has good game. He’s super tight and if he bets or raises you can pretty much count on what he’s holding. His etiquette is pretty good as well. I like the guy. He’s a regular attendee. You can set your clock by him. Now for my dilemma.

I hadn’t played with him for a year or two when I started my current game back in October. Since he’s been back I’ve noticed that he steams on every beat. You can flop the nuts on him, get him to follow you to the river and he’ll still go on tilt. His go to move is flicking his cards when he mucks. No cards have left the table yet but they’ve gone to the furthest seat on my 10 man oval. Additionally, he’ll then outwardly stew, mumble and grumble, and then comes the “if this doesn’t turn around I’m leaving” rhetoric. He’s becoming a real drag.

Many other players have taken note and inventory of this and have approached me. I consider Gutterball a “made man”, that he’s somewhat protected from a hosts point of view with our two decade history and his absolute reliability as far as attendance in concerned.

I have considered dialing my table hands back to 8 in the near future to create some exclusivity and lighten my load of having to go past my top 12 or 13 on the list to get those last two seats filled.

I’m going to talk to him before the next session. He’ll show up early if Godfather requests it and I’m going to tell him that I’m worried about him and ask if everything is alright. I’ll let him know that my concerns are borne out of these behaviors. I have mentioned the card flicking in particular and he’ll say “I didn’t flick it that hard.” (WTF). I’ve also said something to the effect of “alright Gutterball got a nice one that’ll keep him happy for awhile” in a prophylactic attempt to tamp things down. He’s oblivious. And I honestly don’t a) think it will turn him off to the game since we go way back and he’d be lost without it and b) know if he’ll remember the conversation and c) not sure he really can control it.

So, I’ll talk to him. I don’t know if it’ll help but we’ll see. If things continue, he’s annoying and I can live with that as I have for the last 20 years, but the steaming has got to start to end.

Got any steamers or other types of players at your games that are coming close to getting a talking to about something even if it might spur them to leave the game?

Do tell.

Merkong
Sole owner and host of the home poker game at The Godfather Club
 
Tell him…some folks think you are acting like a dick.

So you are going to have to wear this hat until you turn your attitude around. IMG_5990.jpeg
 
merkong said:
.....If you were quickly convicted of an outburst, you were the dick hat (becoming a Dickhead) for one orbit.
Click to expand...
That is actually hilarious and would totally lighten the mood/atmosphere after someone acts out.

Sometimes when that type of thing happens in a game I'm in, I can just feel the tension and it really makes things "no fun". Something like this is badly needed
 
I sympathize. Having a grumpy guy at a home game who steams over every beat can definitely bring down the mood of the table. I’m not sure what the solution is. I’d be surprised if trying to make him wear a penis hat is going to help. But I’m following.
 
upNdown said:
I sympathize. Having a grumpy guy at a home game who steams over every beat can definitely bring down the mood of the table. I’m not sure what the solution is. I’d be surprised if trying to make him wear a penis hat is going to help. But I’m following.
Click to expand...
Right? I think I’m going to have sit down before Friday’s session just me and him.

I’ll ask him how everything is and share what I’ve noticed. I’ll make it seem somewhat innocuous. I’m hoping that’ll draw enough attention to it that he’ll straighten up. I’ll give it some time and be mindful. If we talk again I’ll explain how it’s not who he is and he’s dragging the energy down.

The dickhead hat might still come to the room as a reminder that we can all be better than that.
 
Last edited:
upNdown said:
I sympathize. Having a grumpy guy at a home game who steams over every beat can definitely bring down the mood of the table. I’m not sure what the solution is. I’d be surprised if trying to make him wear a penis hat is going to help. But I’m following.
Click to expand...
Self reflection is a great trait to have. Once you realize that person is you, the forums will be a much happier place :ROFL: :ROFLMAO:
 
To the OP. I think you owe it to your decades long friend to be completely blunt.

"Joe, we've played together a long time. Your recent attitude change at the tables has me concerned, and the other guys just aren't finding you that much fun to play with". Then follow it up with "what can I do? Is everything okay?"
 
merkong said:
Good morning poker friends. Ken here, home poker host and owner of the game at The Godfather Club. I have something worth pondering…

I have a regular player, “Gutterball” a near 60 year old player who I’ve been playing poker with regularly (multiple sessions a week) for nearly 20 years. He has a relatively small friend network and my game and its players are the vast majority of his social life. He’s chatty but tells the same stories, personal accounts, jokes, and foibles over and over and over and over. He’s a little hard of hearing so he is loud. And I mean loud. He is not the greatest conversationalist; he elbows into discussions just to provide something relatable that everyone has heard many, many times before. All of this to the point that I somewhat protect new players from being bombarded by his tales and the rest of the table from having to endure these same tired renditions. He has good game. He’s super tight and if he bets or raises you can pretty much count on what he’s holding. His etiquette is pretty good as well. I like the guy. He’s a regular attendee. You can set your clock by him. Now for my dilemma.

I hadn’t played with him for a year or two when I started my current game back in October. Since he’s been back I’ve noticed that he steams on every beat. You can flop the nuts on him, get him to follow you to the river and he’ll still go on tilt. His go to move is flicking his cards when he mucks. No cards have left the table yet but they’ve gone to the furthest seat on my 10 man oval. Additionally, he’ll then outwardly stew, mumble and grumble, and then comes the “if this doesn’t turn around I’m leaving” rhetoric. He’s becoming a real drag.

Many other players have taken note and inventory of this and have approached me. I consider Gutterball a “made man”, that he’s somewhat protected from a hosts point of view with our two decade history and his absolute reliability as far as attendance in concerned.

I have considered dialing my table hands back to 8 in the near future to create some exclusivity and lighten my load of having to go past my top 12 or 13 on the list to get those last two seats filled.

I’m going to talk to him before the next session. He’ll show up early if Godfather requests it and I’m going to tell him that I’m worried about him and ask if everything is alright. I’ll let him know that my concerns are borne out of these behaviors. I have mentioned the card flicking in particular and he’ll say “I didn’t flick it that hard.” (WTF). I’ve also said something to the effect of “alright Gutterball got a nice one that’ll keep him happy for awhile” in a prophylactic attempt to tamp things down. He’s oblivious. And I honestly don’t a) think it will turn him off to the game since we go way back and he’d be lost without it and b) know if he’ll remember the conversation and c) not sure he really can control it.

So, I’ll talk to him. I don’t know if it’ll help but we’ll see. If things continue, he’s annoying and I can live with that as I have for the last 20 years, but the steaming has got to start to end.

Got any steamers or other types of players at your games that are coming close to getting a talking to about something even if it might spur them to leave the game?

Do tell.

Merkong
Sole owner and host of the home poker game at The Godfather Club
Click to expand...


You mentioned the gentleman is 67 yrs old....is there a chance if cognitive changes? Some persons 55-70 experience cognitive changes (diagnosed or otherwise). Serious behavior changes could be an early sign. Poker taking some strategic thought may be a game where the changes are seen earlier than in normal life scenarios. A person that is previously very talkative that is no longer so, acts differently and responds unexpectedly and at time inappropriately may have more going on....
- are mood changes noticeably different or unexpected given the stimuli causing the emotion?
- are previously routine simple tasks being avoided, done in error and ignored or topics of same redirected without proper rationale ?
- do you feel that his cognitive ability affect his poker play? Given that you are playing for money at a friendly home game, is it fair and ethical to allow this person to gamble?

i would want to rule out dementia given what i have read here so far, perhaps i am thinking clinically here.....could also be that the lack of socialization during covid isolation simply made your friend oblivious to certain behaviors.
 
LowerBama1714 said:
Dimentia…be sensitive, and understanding.

Sore loser…nothing like a dick on your head to lighten the mood.
Click to expand...
I’m not going to make him wear a dick hat. He’s a friend and I’m going to approach it as I described. If he doesn’t change his ways I’m going to tap dance on his soul and ask him to take a break.
 
Sounds like a typical 60 year old. Wise beyond his years and very colorful with entertaining anecdotes. You’re lucky to have such a solid dependable player at your table . You probably shouldn’t play any draw poker or 7 card stud with him though, or he will take your money.
 
merkong said:
I’m not going to make him wear a dick hat. He’s a friend and I’m going to approach it as I described. If he doesn’t change his ways I’m going to tap dance on his soul and ask him to take a break.
Click to expand...
Some of my friends would not be my friends if I didn't make them wear a dick hat when they deserved it. :sneaky:

I've been on both sides of this - having to deal with steaming/angry/annoying players, and being the steamy sad sack after a chunk of runbad or a nasty beat. When it's a one-off, usually just giving him a few minutes is enough. I will take a walk or a break away from the table when it really gets bad, and that's generally enough to shake the tilt and get back to having fun.

But if he's just being a jerk and throwing cards after every hand he loses, that's not acceptable. You're doing the right thing by talking to him - privately if possible. It can be uncomfortable, but if you've known this guy for 20 years then you can be straight and let him know that he's making the game less fun for you and everyone else at the table.

Losing is a part of poker, and if he can't handle that then maybe he shouldn't be playing.
 
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Yeah, he’s an early bird. I’ll have him swing by and the context will be “how’s everything going” and leading into his regular bad beat, run bad meltdowns. Lovingly of course.

I take a whipping and smile but it’s my game and I don’t care about the money. He has money as well so it’s a slow metamorphosis.

I’ll lay it out there like a poker associate of 20 years and he’ll consider it.

It’ll work out but yeah it’ll take all of empathic expertise. I do alright in situations like this.

Appreciate the insight.
 
Another thought, maybe pokers not as fun for him as it used to be. A lot of guys could have improved and he may not have, but he likes socializing

Is it possible when he hangs out that he would be interesting in co host duties instead? Run a bbq, make a signature session mixed drink, basically run a bar?
 
I'm in a similar situation but with a twist. My guy is doing the same shit. Even crying about losing when he's only down $20 and hes got money so thats not it. If i approach him and tell him guys are telling me they dont enjoy the game the way youre acting hes likely to say "fuck it I'm not playing anymore" and right now he's part of the 5 guaranteed players we have! We try to get 2 or 3 more each game but sometimes it's just us 5. Tough spot.
 
People in their 60’s - I am 67 - were brought up in an era where straight talk works the best. Be kind, but lay it on the line. Ask my wife, direct speech humbles me in to compliance every time.
 
Do angry steamers even notice how they suck the joy out of the room? Like, do you remember a minute ago when everybody was talking and laughing? But now everybody is quiet? Do they even notice? Or maybe that's exactly what they want - who knows.
But those guys stink.
 
merkong said:
Good morning poker friends. Ken here, home poker host and owner of the game at The Godfather Club. I have something worth pondering…

I have a regular player, “Gutterball” a near 60 year old player who I’ve been playing poker with regularly (multiple sessions a week) for nearly 20 years. He has a relatively small friend network and my game and its players are the vast majority of his social life. He’s chatty but tells the same stories, personal accounts, jokes, and foibles over and over and over and over. He’s a little hard of hearing so he is loud. And I mean loud. He is not the greatest conversationalist; he elbows into discussions just to provide something relatable that everyone has heard many, many times before. All of this to the point that I somewhat protect new players from being bombarded by his tales and the rest of the table from having to endure these same tired renditions. He has good game. He’s super tight and if he bets or raises you can pretty much count on what he’s holding. His etiquette is pretty good as well. I like the guy. He’s a regular attendee. You can set your clock by him. Now for my dilemma.

I hadn’t played with him for a year or two when I started my current game back in October. Since he’s been back I’ve noticed that he steams on every beat. You can flop the nuts on him, get him to follow you to the river and he’ll still go on tilt. His go to move is flicking his cards when he mucks. No cards have left the table yet but they’ve gone to the furthest seat on my 10 man oval. Additionally, he’ll then outwardly stew, mumble and grumble, and then comes the “if this doesn’t turn around I’m leaving” rhetoric. He’s becoming a real drag.

Many other players have taken note and inventory of this and have approached me. I consider Gutterball a “made man”, that he’s somewhat protected from a hosts point of view with our two decade history and his absolute reliability as far as attendance in concerned.

I have considered dialing my table hands back to 8 in the near future to create some exclusivity and lighten my load of having to go past my top 12 or 13 on the list to get those last two seats filled.

I’m going to talk to him before the next session. He’ll show up early if Godfather requests it and I’m going to tell him that I’m worried about him and ask if everything is alright. I’ll let him know that my concerns are borne out of these behaviors. I have mentioned the card flicking in particular and he’ll say “I didn’t flick it that hard.” (WTF). I’ve also said something to the effect of “alright Gutterball got a nice one that’ll keep him happy for awhile” in a prophylactic attempt to tamp things down. He’s oblivious. And I honestly don’t a) think it will turn him off to the game since we go way back and he’d be lost without it and b) know if he’ll remember the conversation and c) not sure he really can control it.

So, I’ll talk to him. I don’t know if it’ll help but we’ll see. If things continue, he’s annoying and I can live with that as I have for the last 20 years, but the steaming has got to start to end.

Got any steamers or other types of players at your games that are coming close to getting a talking to about something even if it might spur them to leave the game?

Do tell.

Merkong
Sole owner and host of the home poker game at The Godfather Club
Click to expand...
I'm new here, but I used to run a pretty large multi-table game. On occasion, I would play the night rather than deal. I had a partner who showed up one night with a custom brass baby rattle and told me I had to use it as a card holder until he said I could stop.

It hurt a little, but it lessened the sting with some humor. Not quite a dick hat, but humor may help.
 
BigJackJones said:
I'm new here, but I used to run a pretty large multi-table game. On occasion, I would play the night rather than deal. I had a partner who showed up one night with a custom brass baby rattle and told me I had to use it as a card holder until he said I could stop.

It hurt a little, but it lessened the sting with some humor. Not quite a dick hat, but humor may help.
Click to expand...

Wut?

I’m confused - what was custom about the rattle? Was this like a business partner? What power does he have to compel you to do this?

Most of all - does a dick hat help more than humor?

I’m laughing here, just joshing around (that term is appropriately named) but I’m having a blast interpreting this post!
 
ekricket said:
Wut?

I’m confused - what was custom about the rattle? Was this like a business partner? What power does he have to compel you to do this?

Most of all - does a dick hat help more than humor?

I’m laughing here, just joshing around (that term is appropriately named) but I’m having a blast interpreting this post!
Click to expand...
I suppose you can take what I said a lot of different ways, so have fun with it.

He was a business partner and a friend who took the time to fabricate a brass baby rattle and give it to me as a friendly, but not so subtle hint that I had become Phil Hellmuth. No authority to force me to use it, but I got the message.
 

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