Motherfucking assholes
I finally made the call (got tied up on Friday, decided to wait until a business day, so I could actually speak with a person)
I'm on hold. It says wait time is over an hour. While I'm on hold, I tried opening a claim online. Of course I had to go through the rigamarole of opening an account on usps.com. Then when I try to open a claim, it says I can't open a claim because there was no insurance on the package.
Okay, if that's your policy, fuck you, but don't you want a report on this, so you can find out that one of your employees is stealing stuff? And obviously from cool looking packages that have the shipping rate printed on them, so they know there's no insurance on it, so no claim will be created?
What a system.
I'm staying on hold until I get to talk to somebody.