"There's only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water lying about being milk."
"Dear frozen yogurt, you are the celery of deserts. Be ice cream or be nothing. Zero stars."
(probably too long) "Normally, if given the choice between doing something and nothing, I'd choose to do nothing. But I will do something if it helps someone else do nothing. I'd work all night if it meant nothing got done."
“If any of you need anything at all, too bad. Deal with your problems yourselves, like adults.”
”If it doesn’t have meat, it’s a snack.”
“I prefer quality over flash – that’s why I refuse to write my signature in cursive.”