Finding myself again (1 Viewer)

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Mar 20, 2023
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Hello everyone. I want to say sorry to anyone I left hanging. More specifically those in my private messages and the group order of broken arrow cards. I know you are all strangers that don’t really care but I felt like posting this anyways, maybe out of a need to vent.
I went MIA the past 3 months due to falling out of a 5 year relationship, a relationship in which I had given the best years of my life to. I had lived with this person for 3 years and had known them for 5. I miss them still till this day. I have trouble sleeping because I know that when I do I’ll dream of them. They are never bad dreams. If anything they’re great dreams. My most recent one was her telling me that I look tired and asking me to come to bed, even if it’s for just a little bit.
I was forced to move from my NYC apartment in less than 24 hours because she wanted nothing to do with me anymore and there was nothing I could do as her grandmother was the building owner and I was renting in cash without documentation of my residency.
I have made amazing friends in the NYC poker scene. I started an amazing chess club in NY and had a great job.
I moved back with my parents in NJ. That week I played 1/2 at the Tropicana and made +$1200 in 2 sessions.
With that money I went to Mexico for the month. I found the players there and let me tell you the players in Mexico are no joke both in chess and in poker. I ran terrible in Mexico losing about $500usd in total. It’s ok because for the month I was there I had spent less than $1500usd with my flight included.
I met the beautiful women of Mexico but nothing compared to her. We would talk about kids and marriage, I really thought she was the one.
Anyways since I’ve been back to the US I saw a shame mental decline. I’ve never been a smoker but I would go through a pack a day just because I didn’t see a need to be healthy, I started drinking everyday, I would have terribly dark thoughts. That was until I started finding myself again. I started thinking about the hobbies that make me happy. I started focusing more on surfing, swimming, skateboarding, poker, card/chip collecting. I started playing poker again as I haven’t had the desire to post Mexico trip and I’ve been running very well hitting my first straight flush this Monday.
My grand plan is to move to Mexico in September after working my last summer as a lifeguard and saving my money and trying to bring some 1/2 once a month with a $500 loss cap per month.
I plan to host games in Mexico but need to find a high denom set. But I’m not rushing anything. I have time.

Every storm passes. Mine hasn’t but I can see a touch of blue peeking through the clouds. I’m sorry any anyone I have left hanging. That being said I was talking to a few people about some used EPT Fournier cards I have that I’m willing to trade. If you’re interested please hmu. I promise no more big life changes with will make me disappear

On another note, in Mexico they used these cards that I loved called faisan. I’m going to try to have my father pick up a few setups of them when he goes next week. I’ll be doing a review on them.

Stay strong kings and queens
 
Welcome back! Alright, glad that you're more even-keeled but keep it smooth. Good job figuring out why the smoking and drinking, your health wasn't prioritized; change that! Success is nothing without your health, and smoking and drinking are expensive anyways.

Lets focus and build a bankroll before jumping back into 1/2. We love poker but focus up. Nothing shameful about admitting something hurts, that's fine, but keep building, man. Good luck, that hurt dampens over time, no worries.
 
Welcome back! Alright, glad that you're more even-keeled but keep it smooth. Good job figuring out why the smoking and drinking, your health wasn't prioritized; change that! Success is nothing without your health, and smoking and drinking are expensive anyways.

Lets focus and build a bankroll before jumping back into 1/2. We love poker but focus up. Nothing shameful about admitting something hurts, that's fine, but keep building, man. Good luck, that hurt dampens over time, no worries.
The smoking tbh wasn’t hard to kick since I was never much of a smoker anyways. It’s the alcohol that’s been hard to kick. The only time I find myself without eating to drink is at the poker table. I only run good if I don’t drink. Once I drink forget it. While I made great money playing 1/2 I used it to pay off my credit cards and pay a ticket I had from 4 years ago. While I’m now happy to say I don’t owe anyone anything I must admit I don’t have the bankroll for 1/2 anymore
 
The smoking tbh wasn’t hard to kick since I was never much of a smoker anyways. It’s the alcohol that’s been hard to kick. The only time I find myself without eating to drink is at the poker table. I only run good if I don’t drink. Once I drink forget it. While I made great money playing 1/2 I used it to pay off my credit cards and pay a ticket I had from 4 years ago. While I’m now happy to say I don’t owe anyone anything I must admit I don’t have the bankroll for 1/2 anymore
You dont have the roll and thats totally fine, you're building up and paying debts, that's the way to do it. A $500 stop is going to really hinder your poker, you're just gambling at that point, a few bad hands and you're down a whole months buyin instead of staying in the game. Save up for now.

Good call, drinking is a huge leak. Stay disciplined and read your comments when you feel like slacking! You got this.
 
You dont have the roll and thats totally fine, you're building up and paying debts, that's the way to do it. A $500 stop is going to really hinder your poker, you're just gambling at that point, a few bad hands and you're down a whole months buyin instead of staying in the game. Save up for now.

Good call, drinking is a huge leak. Stay disciplined and read your comments when you feel like slacking! You got this.
I’ve been playing a $50 home game in which I’ve cashed out minimum 3x each time. I skipped with week as after this week of having paid debts I can’t afford it, but I’ve definitely been trying to watch my finances. This has only ever been a game to me and never a means of income. I’m putting of poker for now but not collecting. I’ve realized I value collecting more than gambling. I don’t get the same rush putting money on sports or table games as I do feeling some nice cards or chips run through my hands. I especially like it when my friends complete the items. I feel like it’s not an uncommon story on here
 
As @NotRealNameNoSir said, the storm will eventually pass and the pain will definitely dampen over time. Focus on the positive things and the hobbies you enjoy.

Mexico is a beautiful country. I spent a summer there way back in college and it was a blast. You will pull through this! If you don't have the bank roll for 1/2 right now, host or attend some smaller stakes home games where you can still have fun playing at smaller stakes.
 

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