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Should I Say Something to my Losing-est Regular? (1 Viewer)

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emunster18

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I'll keep this short. One of my regulars loses more than anyone else at every game. He's come to 20+ games and loses on average $300-$400 per game. The rest of the table wins or loses ~$50-$150.

Should I say something to him about playing different? Or should I just let him keep doing what he's doing?

He loves to play and thanks me for hosting every month. He says he has a great time, win or lose... even though I think he has only come out ahead once in 2 years.
 
Is that money having an impact on his life? If he's filthy rich and he can well afford to punt all that don't say a word, let him enjoy himself. You can talk from a strategy perspective sure but its their money, oh well.

If you think he's playing outside his means or addicted talk to him for sure.
 
NotRealNameNoSir said:
Is that money having an impact on his life? If he's filthy rich and he can well afford to punt all that don't say a word, let him enjoy himself. You can talk from a strategy perspective sure but its their money, oh well.

If you think he's playing outside his means or addicted talk to him for sure.
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He's not filthy rich. I don't know his whole financial situation, but assume he's pretty average amongst my regulars, Middle-aged mid-career family man.
 
I had a guy who couldn't hit his ass with both hands playing my weekly game. I beggged him to fold his hand when I had the nuts on a $600.00 pot, he raise the pot $100 and I called him. I felt bad after the game knowing he could not afford the beatings he was getting. My other regs felt the same, we all agreed that it would be in his best interest if we didn't invite him back. I think he had some problems at home and probably too much alcohol may have contributed to his behavior. We play the game for a entertainment, watching him spiral out of control was not entertaining.
That said, I seem to do a lot of donating to the game. I love playing and where can I spend an evening enjoying my friends, food and drinks for a few hundred dollars. You might have a conversation with him away from the table to see if he's just buying the enetertainment. He may be solid just hanging out with the group and it's worth it to him.
 
I agree with @NotRealNameNoSir and @Hunt247 that if it’s a problem for him, yes. But, it doesn’t sound like it is. What does this guy drive? Does he look reasonably sharp? As in, not hurting financially?

I don’t know what atmosphere you provide or how long your game lasts. I feed my gang dinner. Provide a kick ass atmosphere, dealers, non alcoholic drinks, snacks, etc. On average we play for 8-9 hours. If your game is even half that, what does it cost to go find 4 hours of entertainment? You can barely go to a dinner and a movie for $200. A concert? Forget about it. Entertainment cost money. And a lot of people play for the simple enjoyment of playing. Rec players are called that for a reason. It’s recreational. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard my guys say that if they dropped a grand or more (and someone always does, even the host), it was still the best money they’ve spent. We have a GREAT time. A few of us win most of the time. Some win some and lose some. Some are consistent losers. If they are having a blast and it’s not creating drama in their life, chalk it up to the cost of entertainment and maybe the cost of their poker education.

I have also had the talk with some guys that “hey man, there are easier games and smaller stakes. I don’t think this is a good fit for you”. Last thing I want to do is hurt anyone financially that can’t afford it. But, I try to vet pretty hard, up front. So, I’m not sure there is a simple answer. If in doubt, it shows you care to simply ask. It doesn’t have to be a big deal or awkward.
 
Thanks for the commentary here. We usually play 4 hours and the game is only once a month. We play 0.25/0.50 to keep the mood light and friendly. At these stakes, no one in the group is going to miss a mortgage payment because of my game.

At this point, it doesn't sound like a problem. My game is similar to yours with food, drinks (alcohol & non), music, and sports on the TV. We share a lot of laughs, both poker and non-poker related. If things change, I may bring it up. But for now, it sounds like it's all ok.
 
I agree with what the other members have said about him possibly being wealthy (which is sounds like you don't think he is) vs him possibly having a problem.

But to me, it also depends HOW he's losing. If he's just flat out getting unlucky every time but he's really trying, then maybe it's just variance. (Guessing that's not the case...) If not, maybe gently talk poker strategy with him and hope some of it sinks in? Not EVERY aspect of the game, but maybe just like "man, I started winning more when I started playing less hands" or something...

My other thought, which personally is the way I went with my friends game, was to lower the stakes. Years back, we used to play $1/$2. And while it was fairly fun and competitive, I saw it really hurting my friends, and we lost players (and friends) because of it. So we progressively lowered it and ultimately arrived at .05/.10, and occasionally bump it up to .10/.25, but almost never higher than that. This way I truly feel guilt free about letting my friends drink, play a bit loser, have fun, and at worst, lose like $100 or so. Several of us often play in bigger games, so that's when we're more cutthroat, but the lower stakes game honestly is more fun than it was at $1/$2 and I never feel bashful inviting new players/potential players to come jump in.
 
Ask him if he’s good with it. I really hate golf man. I would rather lose $1000 a month to you guys at my table than win at golf
 
Haha! He has always said that he's good with it, "win or lose, it's always a fun night."

I may just be overthinking it, because it's so consistent. I've seen him drop way more at casino games in a night.
 
Losing $300 a night in 0.25/0.50 regularly?

He's really bad or really unlucky. If he's enjoying himself and regularly puts down more in a night at the casino, he's free to make his own bad decisions.

If he's a good friend, it may be worth a check in.
 
Really depends on whether you are a group of friends first or poker players first.

If there is a pattern, I tend to lean towards chatting about it and being tactful in the approach. A good host will check in.
 
emunster18 said:
Haha! He has always said that he's good with it, "win or lose, it's always a fun night."

I may just be overthinking it, because it's so consistent. I've seen him drop way more at casino games in a night.
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If he’s going to spend that money at the casino he may as well spend it here
 
NotRealNameNoSir said:
Is that money having an impact on his life? If he's filthy rich and he can well afford to punt all that don't say a word, let him enjoy himself. You can talk from a strategy perspective sure but its their money, oh well.

If you think he's playing outside his means or addicted talk to him for sure.
Click to expand...
@JMC9389 liked this comment because I've never won money at his house, I should just light it on fire on his porch instead.
 
emunster18 said:
He loves to play and thanks me for hosting every month. He says he has a great time, win or lose... even though I think he has only come out ahead once in 2 years.
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Are your games typically once a month type of frequency? Going to second the notion of whether you're a group of friends first or poker players first
 
emunster18 said:
I'll keep this short. One of my regulars loses more than anyone else at every game. He's come to 20+ games and loses on average $300-$400 per game. The rest of the table wins or loses ~$50-$150.

Should I say something to him about playing different? Or should I just let him keep doing what he's doing?

He loves to play and thanks me for hosting every month. He says he has a great time, win or lose... even though I think he has only come out ahead once in 2 years.
Click to expand...
I have 3 or 4 regulars who are huge donators... easily 5 out of every 6 are losing sessions for them.

They lost because they play bad. It's that simple.

I've at times noticed them becoming discouraged... when that happens I offer to 'talk strategy' any time they want to. Sometimes they take me up on it... other times not.

So my advice is if it's not affecting attendance or attitude, don't worry about it. Poker isn't about winning and losing to everyone. Different people have different motivations for playing.
 
Mostly became friends because of poker.

We play a cash game monthly and 1 month per quarter we play a 2TT instead of cash.
 
Moxie Mike said:
I have 3 or 4 regulars who are huge donators... easily 5 out of every 6 are losing sessions for them.

They lost because they play bad. It's that simple.

I've at times noticed them becoming discouraged... when that happens I offer to 'talk strategy' any time they want to. Sometimes they take me up on it... other times not.

So my advice is if it's not affecting attendance or attitude, don't worry about it. Poker isn't about winning and losing to everyone. Different people have different motivations for playing.
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Depending on what happens in the Feb game, I'll offer some game play advice separately from the group.

He's not a terrible player, and understands the game. He just plays way too many hands and chases way too much.
 
emunster18 said:
He's not a terrible player, and understands the game. He just plays way too many hands and chases way too much.
Click to expand...
Don't tap on the glass, my friend. He can play his cards any way he sees fit. If he gets bad results and doesn't make adjustments, that's his prerogative.

The last thing you want is for him to feel judged.
 
Driving the MicroBus now for just that reason.
1769544256764.gif


Nobody getting crushed. Not even the donkeys.

Look at all the fun everyone is having.
1769544256796.gif


You can say “In yo face!” too when you river someone.
 
Moxie Mike said:
Don't tap on the glass, my friend. He can play his cards any way he sees fit. If he gets bad results and doesn't make adjustments, that's his prerogative.

The last thing you want is for him to feel judged.
Click to expand...
Agree with this take. Getting involved and VPIP >80% is part of the fun of a splashy home game. Also it sounds like the guy is using his discretionary funds.

If he saves a few hundred but doesn’t enjoy the night because he’s now folding 75% preflop and sitting on the sidelines then he might stop attending due to that vs money.
 
We’ve had a similar situation on our end (not for those amounts), and our friend has literally said:
“I know I see almost every flop and my win rate is terrible, but I don’t want to be bored—and I’m having fun with you guys.”

The takeaway for us was that some people genuinely don’t mind being in that spot. To be safe—and just to make sure there are no unspoken feelings—I’d bring it up casually. His response will tell you everything you need to know.

Either he’ll go, “Ya, man, it actually bugs me that I’m losing so much,” or he’ll say, “I’m here to have fun with you guys—don’t worry about it.”
That pretty much resolves the concern either way.
 
For people who spend most of their days under high stress and/or high responsibility, something where they finally get to be a little wild, ignore the rules and still be "safe" can feel like heaven. A couple hundred bucks once a month is nothing for someone who finds that release. Pretty cheap therapy, even.
 
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We had a friend known as ATM, he was like an atm, handing money out every week. Our stakes similar to yours, I pulled him aside after 2 or 3 times. Mentioned to him he would still have a seat if he needs to take a week or two off and "got his luck right." He appreciated the conversation and sentiment, but assured me he was good. He liked to play, but was learning the game. Maybe have a small convo after a particularly bad beating, if he is a friend he may appreciate it.
 

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