Racist/sexist/offensive language at a home game - what would you do? (3 Viewers)

dmoney

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I don't have a specific scenario, just curious. I'm referring to racist/sexist/offensive terms specifically, not swearing or foul language generally. How would you handle derogatory language at a home game:
  • If you are the host?
  • If you are not the host?
  • If it is directed at you?
  • If it is directed at another player in the game?
 
If I'm host, I tell them to leave immediately and I'll cash them out later. Maybe I put them on probation and give them one more chance.
If I'm not host, I will look at the host and say either X leaves or I leave.
If it's directed at me or not, see above.
 
It happened once at my home game (wasn't directed at anyone in particular) and I wish I would have said something along the lines of "I prefer not to have that kind of talk at my game". Our core group typically strives to better themselves and it was brought up to the offender by another player privately. Said player seemed remorseful so I don't see it happening again but if it did I'd drop them from my invite list.
 
I don't have a specific scenario, just curious. I'm referring to racist/sexist/offensive terms specifically, not swearing or foul language generally. How would you handle derogatory language at a home game:
  • If you are the host?
  • If you are not the host?
  • If it is directed at you?
  • If it is directed at another player in the game?
Sadly, it happen before in a public home game and the offender is the host who just got 2 outer at the river

I never visit that game ever again after that

I am still regretting that I didnt do anything after the incident happen as I am quite an introvert
 
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I don't have a specific scenario, just curious. I'm referring to racist/sexist/offensive terms specifically, not swearing or foul language generally. How would you handle derogatory language at a home game:
  • If you are the host?
  • If you are not the host?
  • If it is directed at you?
  • If it is directed at another player in the game?
So what are we really hypothetically discussing? One player outright disrespecting another?

It's kind of a weird question since most people in home games are friends (or at least friendly) away from the table. So unless it's outright meanspirited, I'm probably just going to chalk it up to banter. An example I can maybe give is our best dealer (Ben) is Asian... jokes fly all night about him being good at math and him being a samurai and other stuff not worth mentioning here. There's nothing malicious and he gives people shit as well as he takes it - but someone new to the group might be a little uncomfortable witnessing some of our exchanges.

Now if it's in a public game and I see someone berating another player, I'll say something, especially if it seems like the person enduring the abuse is becoming uncomfortable. I'll pretty much say whatever I have to to make it stop - and I've had to do that a time or three. 'Draw Fire' as Jocko Willink says:

 
I don't have a specific scenario, just curious. I'm referring to racist/sexist/offensive terms specifically, not swearing or foul language generally. How would you handle derogatory language at a home game:
  • If you are the host?
  • If you are not the host?
  • If it is directed at you?
  • If it is directed at another player in the game?

This just doesn't happen to us, tbh, and I would actually be surprised if it did. We are the host house for our games, and we wouldn't be inviting folks that would be doing that in the first place. I think it's also not a coincidence that we've had nights that were majority women and / or majority LGBTQ+ players, which I haven't experienced in any other poker setting. We're all still degenerates drinking and partying and opening way too loose pre flop, we're just... not mean or hateful to people, lol.
 
I don't have a specific scenario, just curious. I'm referring to racist/sexist/offensive terms specifically, not swearing or foul language generally. How would you handle derogatory language at a home game:
  • If you are the host?
  • If you are not the host?
  • If it is directed at you?
  • If it is directed at another player in the game?
So far for me, in my time as a host, never even come close to thinking about booting a player.

Can’t recall having to deal with a scenario such as the one you pose.

That said, I have had a few pretty boisterous games and racial slurs, racial jokes, sexist jokes, and the like, are part of the “banter”. Im guilty of directing racial slurs and jokes upon myself, as well. So as a host, I’m not setting a proverbial bar of any kind.

No violence. No cheating. Everything else is all good.
 
So what are we really hypothetically discussing? One player outright disrespecting another?

It's kind of a weird question since most people in home games are friends (or at least friendly) away from the table. So unless it's outright meanspirited, I'm probably just going to chalk it up to banter. An example I can maybe give is our best dealer (Ben) is Asian... jokes fly all night about him being good at math and him being a samurai and other stuff not worth mentioning here. There's nothing malicious and he gives people shit as well as he takes it - but someone new to the group might be a little uncomfortable witnessing some of our exchanges.
I bet Ben really doesn’t like it, even if he plays it cool.
 
So what are we really hypothetically discussing? One player outright disrespecting another?

It's kind of a weird question since most people in home games are friends (or at least friendly) away from the table. So unless it's outright meanspirited, I'm probably just going to chalk it up to banter. An example I can maybe give is our best dealer (Ben) is Asian... jokes fly all night about him being good at math and him being a samurai and other stuff not worth mentioning here. There's nothing malicious and he gives people shit as well as he takes it - but someone new to the group might be a little uncomfortable witnessing some of our exchanges.

Now if it's in a public game and I see someone berating another player, I'll say something, especially if it seems like the person enduring the abuse is becoming uncomfortable. I'll pretty much say whatever I have to to make it stop - and I've had to do that a time or three. 'Draw Fire' as Jocko Willink says:

I drew fire on the subway once. Some drunk was yelling all kinds of abusive, racist stuff at a college kid of apparently middle eastern descent. Everybody on the car was just standing there letting it happen, minding their own business. I yelled at the guy to leave the kid alone. So he walked over toward me and started yelling at me. A couple of people near me literally took off for the other end of the subway car. Thanks for the support guys.
 
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I drew fire on the subway once. Some drunk was yelling all kinds of abusive, racist stuff at a college kid of apparently middle eastern descent. Everybody on the car was just standing there letting it happen, minding their own business. I yelled at the guy to leave the kid alone. So he walked over toward me and started yelling at me. A couple of people near me literally took off for the other end of the subway car. Thanks for the support guys.
That's the worst fucking feeling when you're not getting back up for what should be basic human fucking decency.
 
You would be incorrect in that assessment, but keep on virtue signaling. It adds so much to the conversation.
Not a virtue signaler however I'm sure if you were to consult your friend in private, while he doesn't care because you're all friends and he knows there's no malicious meaning behind your ribbing, I'm sure he would still appreciate jokes being made at his expense where the punchline is Asian stereotypes to stop all together.

As I get older and have family and kids in my clan that are going through school with all manner of things in their appearances they have no control over that other kids make fun of, the jokes making fun of said differences people are born with fall incredibly flat.

My 2c. Take it for what it's worth, I'm still just some schmuck on a poker chip forum.
 
locker room talk goes hand in hand with a poker table... most girls that play im my circle know this.
racist hurtful comments are grounds for list removal. with no warning or notice.

but for the most part the poker table tends to be a place where guys can talk like guys and be themselves for a few hours a week.
thats the fun and escape of it all i assume
 
My game is full of libtard snowflakes. We sit around all night and discuss how offended we are.

So I haven't had this problem yet.
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locker room talk goes hand in hand with a poker table... most girls that play im my circle know this.
racist hurtful comments are grounds for list removal. with no warning or notice.

but for the most part the poker table tends to be a place where guys can talk like guys and be themselves for a few hours a week.
thats the fun and escape of it all i assume
What if it is a child bearing person that is doing the offending, and offending the non child bearing people?
 
they call it Birthing person now. lol ya man its all good unless its over the top super racist at my game... havent had an issue yet, :)
 
There's nothing malicious and he gives people shit as well as he takes it
I would also reassess how much fun these jokes are for everyone at the table. If these last few years have taught us nothing else, it's that when we (speaking as a white dude myself) think we are just poking fun at racial minorities, those "jokes" are often internalized in a way that we can never quite understand. This is not about virtue signaling, it is about changing old habits and creating new ways of having fun with our friends at the table. Ways that don't involve us making Asian (or any other) jokes. My wife is Filipino and she shares with me all the time what it was like growing up in a mostly white suburb and having to hear those "jokes" day in and day out. She laughed along because... well what else do you do right? Anyway, this is not about calling you out personally, I just think we can all do better when it comes to table banter - plenty of other funny ways to rib our buddies!
 

I would also reassess how much fun these jokes are for everyone at the table. If these last few years have taught us nothing else, it's that when we (speaking as a white dude myself) think we are just poking fun at racial minorities, those "jokes" are often internalized in a way that we can never quite understand. This is not about virtue signaling, it is about changing old habits and creating new ways of having fun with our friends at the table. Ways that don't involve us making Asian (or any other) jokes. My wife is Filipino and she shares with me all the time what it was like growing up in a mostly white suburb and having to hear those "jokes" day in and day out. She laughed along because... well what else do you do right? Anyway, this is not about calling you out personally, I just think we can all do better when it comes to table banter - plenty of other funny ways to rib our buddies!
Spot on and what I was trying to convey with my post.

I'm sure if Ben were asked if he genuinely liked these jokes, the answer and conversation would be very telling.
 
the poker table tends to be a place where guys can talk like guys and be themselves for a few hours a week
I'm not sure if you have been following any of the Twitter/social media threads on this issue but *many* (I think in the hundreds?) women in poker have been actively posting about how actually this "locker room talk" and "guys will be guys" mentality has really been harmful to the welcoming in of women to the great game of poker. If "locker room talk" is another word for men saying things that they would only say to other men behind closed doors, then maybe it's time to reassess why that is? Also, guys (and everyone else!) should be "themselves" where ever they are. If the only way that they can be "themselves" is to make fun of other people or make sexist remarks... well maybe we are not being the best version of ourselves lol. Again, nothing personal, I think we can all (myself very much included) do better at creating friendly playing environments for others.
 
To OP's question, hate (e.g. especially racial slurs) would definitely not be tolerated in my game, or any one I attend. However, I am an older millennial (Xennial micro-generation) and, like many Gen X'ers before me, we don't look for reasons to be offended. I am also a straight white male, so there is generally less to offend me on. I'm short, fat and bald, but I've learned to laugh off those jokes over the years.

Situational awareness is key. I'm a ball buster at the table. I've had a player walk in with a loud pink shirt, and I responded "Nice shirt. Was it a gift from your husband?" The insinuation of something being "gay", and associating that with the lesser, is insensitive. Depending on the feelings of those in attendance, could be deemed downright rude and disrespectful. I've said a similar joke at a meetup before, and it fell flat, so I immediately pivoted. One thing I always say to my friends/colleagues/etc is that I care tremendously about them and would genuinely be upset if I offended them. I encourage them to come forward privately if I said something that didn't sit right with them. Life is an endless lesson of learning, after all. In 25 years, we'll be horrified at plenty of shit that is commonplace now.

However, banter keeps the atmosphere fun at a poker table. I am a firm believer of "too much of anything can make you an addict". So if you want to wear your MAGA hat and talk about school children dying as collateral damage to protect your 2A rights, you'll catch some shit. Similarly, if you ramble on about ACAB (all cops are bastards) on the way to your DSA chapter meeting, I'll probably fuck with you as well. I have many close friends at both ends of the political spectrum, and I would be remiss if I didn't prod them all a little.

Tl;Dr - I'm a dick, but I still love you and would never want to hurt your feelings.
 
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All kinds of language and stupidity accepted here, always tolerated -even as bad taste jokes in some cases, unless directed against specific people with names.
No insults against specific guys, either present or not.

When it comes to "boys'" talk, this was defined out of the perception that women, like porcelain dolls, should be shielded from reality, including vulgarity.
If women are meant to be equal to men, they should be able to handle anything they hear.

Doyle Brunson, in the first version of his book "Super System" writes that he wouldn't play poker (a violent sport, albeit not physically) against women out of his extra respect for them.

It's up to each woman to decide if she prefers the old-fashioned extra respect or the inclusion into a group with only normal / basic mutual respect.
 

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