Colonoscopy 101 (3 Viewers)

Drank the PEG Gatorade mix at 4pm, and the show started at 6pm. Was crapped out around 10pm, until I woke up with great urgency at 1am. Next up is the mag citrate show at 10am for a 3pm finale. Feeling much better though, temporarily….

allforcharity said:
So are you going to get the tube or the camera pill?
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First time getting the hose, I should have put the lotion in the basket.

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Here was my experience:

12:00p: Went to Del Taco and for 4 beef burritos, 1 chicken chilimanga thing, and 5 hard tacos no cheese.

12:15p: All food gone.

12:35p: Drank 4 iced coffees in rapid succession.

12:38p: Shotgunned 2 margaritas

1:15p: Shit my brains out into the nice clean Colonguard bucket thing.

1:32p: Wiped, labeled the package, dropped off at the post office

2:05p: Jumped into the pool with a bucket of margaritas on the patio.

2:45p: Passed the fuck out in a recliner under an umbrella.

4:17p: CLB wakes me up, said I was snoring and neighbors can here me. Loudly yell “WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT DO YOU DO?” at her as a joke but I’m fucked up.
 
bergs said:
Here was my experience:

12:00p: Went to Del Taco and for 4 beef burritos, 1 chicken chilimanga thing, and 5 hard tacos no cheese.

12:15p: All food gone.

12:35p: Drank 4 iced coffees in rapid succession.

12:38p: Shotgunned 2 margaritas

1:15p: Shit my brains out into the nice clean Colonguard bucket thing.

1:32p: Wiped, labeled the package, dropped off at the post office

2:05p: Jumped into the pool with a bucket of margaritas on the patio.

2:45p: Passed the fuck out in a recliner under an umbrella.

4:17p: CLB wakes me up, said I was snoring and neighbors can here me. Loudly yell “WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT DO YOU DO?” at her as a joke but I’m fucked up.
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ROOKIE! ;) :ROFL: :ROFLMAO:
 
inca911 said:
So I’m officially getting old(er). Tomorrow is colonoscopy day! I thought I’d share my experience to help those who might want a little preview. Wish me luck.

To start, I did a low fiber diet for two days (which is no big deal), and have been on an all liquid (no red) diet today. I bought the good veggie, chicken, and beef broth for some variety. All good so far.

I took a couple dulcolax around lunch and am now drinking a 64oz large pitcher of Gatorade with a full bottle of Miralax mixed in. A glass every 15min. Stomach has started making noises….
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Congrats! This is the exact prep that I do. It's definitely the easiest and least shitty tasting. I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis about 22 years ago so I get the pleasure of having one of these every year or two. The hardest part for me is just not eating for a full day. I love getting knockout drugs though. I always try to fight it, next thing I know I'm all groggy waking up in the fart room lol. Then I go slam a giant breakfast, usually corned beef hash and eggs or eggs Benny, yeah buddy.
 
Colonoscopy 201 - Sedation-Free Colonoscopy

Indeed, for my first colonoscopy, I took Colonoscopy 101 - didn't know any better.

However, after being handed and asked to sign the Anesthesia Consent & Release Form just before being wheeled in for my internal exploration, I was truly concerned. The form explained that about 1 in 10,000 patients die from general anesthesia. That's better odds than getting a TCR rack of fracs at any given sale!

Although I had two grade-school children and one wife, with trepidation, I did sign the form, was promptly injected, then completely out after counting back from 5, 4, 3, out. I woke up eventually in a recovery room with a nurse staring at me commenting "you were out a looong time". A day later I felt almost myself.

I vowed not to take the anesthesia risk unnecessarily again. Sedation is NOT NEEDED for a colonoscopy. Most of the world doesn't use it and it's safer for the patient without it! All I needed was a quick interweb search and I found this fantastic article (among many others) --> https://www.wsj.com/articles/SB123445383000677755

Sedation-Free Colonoscopy Notes:
  • You'll have to confirm with the doctor/clinic numerous times that they perform sedation-free colonoscopies
  • You'll have to fight off the anesthesiologist as they try to convince you otherwise just before being rolled in
  • You'll be able to watch the entire procedure on the same 50" monitor that the doctors use
  • You'll be able to talk to the doctor while the procedure is underway
  • You'll be much less likely to suffer a perforated colon during the procedure, as the doctor will go more slowly and ask about any discomfort
  • You won't die from anesthesia
  • You won't have any side-affects from anesthesia
  • You won't need a second person to drive you to/from the appointment
  • You won't have to go to the recovery room
  • You'll know the preliminary results as discovered
  • The cost will be over $1,000 less than with sedation
  • Your friends and family will never look at you the same way

P.S. Pro Tip: During prep, apply the Vaseline prior to your first bowel movement.
 
the absolute worst part of the prep was consuming chicken broth that basically looked the same as what was coming out the other end.
But you need some nutrition/ liquids.

The procedure was great. Can't wait for my next. They found 2 polyps (and removed during same procedure) so im going back in 7 years I believe. No polyps and its 10 yrs. 3 or more and back in 5.

Heck , I may just sign up for one after Degen in Dallas and pay out of pocket.
 
EDIT: removed, not going to give unnecessary anxiety.
 
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As background - I work in oncology - specifically GI surgical oncology. Every patient I see gets to experience a bowel prep:

BirdCage said:
P.S. Pro Tip: During prep, apply the Vaseline prior to your first bowel movement.
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@BirdCage wins the prize for the most valuable piece of advice that I give to my patients who are about to experience the wonders of a bowel prep regimen.

Ethan said:
Having to repeat it. :sick: Follow the instructions. Word for word!
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@Ethan wins the prize for the runner up. Only thing worse than a bowel prep is having to do it all over again within a week.
 
Veteran of 2 intrusions. First in Saudi with just a gallon of something mixed with water. That was some hard stuff to down. Then I was only partially unconscious. It was not fun

This time last month in USA, no problem. Easy to get the stuff down and you are completely knocked out.

Enjoy the buffet on the way home from the procedure.
 
I actually got decent sleep last night, with only the 1am interruption. I was worried it was going to be a long night, but my guts feel fine this morning.

I just took the mag citrate at 10am CT today. I was worried it was going to be a horrid experience. It was a complete non-event. It's not any more viscous than the PEG concoction, and there is a lot less of it (i.e., just one glass). I'm likely going to camp out near the crapper a few more hours and then I head in.

@BlueChipSpecial @BirdCage : For this vaseline pro tip, are you saying apply after the colonoscopy and prior to your first post-colonoscopy BM? Or did you mean apply 2 days earlier at the start of the prep regime that is almost over for me?
 
inca911 said:
I actually got decent sleep last night, with only the 1am interruption. I was worried it was going to be a long night, but my guts feel fine this morning.

I just took the mag citrate at 10am CT today. I was worried it was going to be a horrid experience. It was a complete non-event. It's not any more viscous than the PEG concoction, and there is a lot less of it (i.e., just one glass). I'm likely going to camp out near the crapper a few more hours and then I head in.

@BlueChipSpecial @BirdCage : For this vaseline pro tip, are you saying apply after the colonoscopy and prior to your first post-colonoscopy BM? Or did you mean apply 2 days earlier at the start of the prep regime that is almost over for me?
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Apply the vaseline after starting to drink/take your bowel prep, but prior to the first visit to the porcelain throne. Unfortunately, this advice is probably too late to be of much use to you at this point, but hopefully will be helpful to others.
 
The prep is the worst. I had to get one this year as I’m over 45 and I had some stomach issues. I swear I was super cleaned out half way through the liquid I was supposed to take. It was totally over kill. It took me over month for my bowels to be somewhat normal again.
 
BlueChipSpecial said:
Apply the vaseline after starting to drink/take your bowel prep, but prior to the first visit to the porcelain throne. Unfortunately, this advice is probably too late to be of much use to you at this point, but hopefully will be helpful to others.
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Precisely. And remember, Vaseline on your sphincter is the best part of the ordeal. Don’t skip it!
 
inapinch said:
What happens when you drink 10 oz of Magnesium Citrate? I’m glad you asked…

12:05 pm: It’s time. You shotgun a 10 oz bottle like it’s a lukewarm Pabst Blue Ribbon and you don’t want to be a coward in front of your older brother’s friends. It’s suppose to be grape flavored but it’s becoming quite clear that whoever led the R&D team that day has never actually tasted anything grape in their life. You are already regretting this decision.

12:06 pm: You deep throat a cupcake like you’ve been saving it for the apocalypse because let’s face it…that time is here. It’s going to turn to liquid form before it even clears your throat but you don’t care. All is right in the world at this moment. Hold on to that. You’re about to enter a very dark period in your life.

12:37 pm: First sign of life. The pressure is growing. You already have 5 lbs of crap in your colon and you basically just drank the “safe for humans” version of Drano. You feel a poop coming on finally. You think it’s time. You’re wrong. You get a little snake turd as a teaser. Take note…this is the last semi-solid thing you will see leaving your body for the next 24 hours.

12:57 pm: That little science experiment you got cooking is about to reach it’s boiling point. Your stomach is angry now. It hates you…you can feel it. The pitch of the growling reaches the moon. You have exactly .3 seconds to make it to the nearest toilet but you can’t run… NEVER run! You pray to God there is enough elasticity in your butt to keep the gates closed 5 more steps as you start to preemptively undo your pants to save valuable time. Almost there. 3…2…1…

12:58 pm: Sweet Mary, mother of God…is this real life? Your cheeks barely hit the seat and all hell breaks loose. The crap / water mixture you’ve just created comes out with such force that it actually sprays the back of the toilet bowl at a 45 degree angle thus deflecting it in every direction but down. Is that blood? False alarm. That’s just the remnants of a cherry pie you ate at Thanksgiving…when you were 5. The smell is horrid…the sound is frightening. You try to clench whats left of your butt to soften the blow but it’s not working. The whole house just heard your liquid shart as it gurgled out of your back door.

1:06 pm- 8:30 pm: Everything’s a blur. You have crapped out everything you have ever eaten since the day you were born, everything your ancestors have ever eaten since the early 1800’s, and your butt now feels like you have a flaming hot Cheeto and the tears of a thousand Jalapeno seeds stuck in it. You’re now curled up in the bathtub ugly crying because you have to remain within arm’s reach of the toilet at all times. You have the poop sweats. You meet Jesus.

8:37 pm: Your family will never be able to unsee the things they’ve seen in the last 8 hours. You’re broken. Your butthole’s broken. Your spirit’s broken. Life as you know it will never be the same.

But…tomorrow’s a new day. You’re going to wake up, throw on the only remaining pair of underwear you have that doesn’t have a poop stain on it, and you’re going to run up to Walmartians with the last shred of dignity you have left…and buy yourself a new toilet brush. You’ve earned it. You know it may be weeks before your gut will feel normal again
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You should publish your works...
 
inca911 said:
So I’m officially getting old(er). Tomorrow is colonoscopy day! I thought I’d share my experience to help those who might want a little preview. Wish me luck.

To start, I did a low fiber diet for two days (which is no big deal), and have been on an all liquid (no red) diet today. I bought the good veggie, chicken, and beef broth for some variety. All good so far.

I took a couple dulcolax around lunch and am now drinking a 64oz large pitcher of Gatorade with a full bottle of Miralax mixed in. A glass every 15min. Stomach has started making noises….
Click to expand...
Is it too much to ask for live stream?...
 
Great thread, and amusingly accurate. Just did my fourth one a couple of weeks ago.

Earlier this year, my poor wife had to do the prep twice. Her doctor canceled at the last minute due to a problem with some kind of chemical odor in the operating room. We were in the parking lot moments before check-in when they called to cancel.

Now I can never complain about doing one prep.
 
1 hour in and out. Propofol is a nice quick nap, no grogginess waking up. 7 polyps for me, samples are off to biopsy. A little gassy waking up but zero discomfort or pain.

Pro tips: buy the flushable wipes (not all are flushble), and like Denzel says: “That’s $25,000 alpaca. You blot that shit!” To save the bunghole.
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Nice one forest. Happy it went smooth

Do feel like my 3 polyps just got check raised though. :unsure:
 
I had colon cancer in 2015 when I was 47. So getting checked out at 45 is not too young. I'd be definitely be dead by now if I hadn't gotten treatment.

As mentioned above, colonoscopy isn't that bad and might save your life.

Glad you guys are getting checked out.
 
k9dr said:
All in :ninja: zero polyps first colonoscopy at 62
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That’s really awesome Mark! I thought I had done pretty good only having one “small” polyp removed. To have zero and be 12 years senior to me is excellent.
Your as tough at the “Butt Doc” as you are on the felt! :p :ROFL: :ROFLMAO:
 

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