Doula or Doula Not, There is No Try (1 Viewer)

[NotRealNameNoSir]

Alright people, I learned a new word today. Doulas take $1000+ and my wife is happier? Is that the tradeoff? Do people advise it?

*Obviously will also ask friends/family/Google but you guys have a few kids between you so I figured I would check.

 

[btbmason]

Very briefly discussed with my wife but she … I don’t want to say laughed at it, but dismissed it as not necessary for herself. Everyone is different though.

A woman is taking a living thing out of her body. If she says she needs one and it’s reasonable for you guys to provide it, I’d probably just side with her. Unless you want to find a way to birth it.

(fwiw all of my kids ended up being early/undersized/NICU, so the doula wouldn’t have done much to help any of that)

 

[Kam]

If you plan to have a hospital birth vs at home, check if the hospital will even allow them in (if their service & cost is to support during delivery).

We were advised early on most hospitals in my area don't allow them, assuming because they don’t want someone else trying to intervene or contradict with the doctors, likely liability etc. We weren’t that interested in pursuing, so it’s the only thing I can add.

GL

 

[croatan]

T

Very briefly discussed with my wife but she … I don’t want to say laughed at it, but dismissed it as not necessary for herself. Everyone is different though.

A woman is taking a living thing out of her body. If she says she needs one and it’s reasonable for you guys to provide it, I’d probably just side with her. Unless you want to find a way to birth it.

(fwiw all of my kids ended up being early/undersized/NICU, so the doula wouldn’t have done much to help any of that)

My wife was much the same way--and wound up having C-sections both times, so also kind of moot. But I agree with the above advice. Whatever is going to make her feel comfortable. That being said, if it comes down to money for a doula now or money for a night nanny in a few months, save your money for the night nanny, because they win every time in my book...

 

[justsomedude]

Our most recent child was a homebirth. We had a doula on hand because the midwife suggested it. We didn't know a lot about what we were doing beyond Google and the internet, so we leaned heavily on the midwife's expertise (and because she came with a ton of glowing recommendations from friends).

Afterwards my wife literally said: "So she just sat there and took pictures of me?"

lol

In hindsight we weren't impressed with the doula and probably wouldn't pay for one again (if we do, we would try someone else). Maybe it was just her. Maybe she was having a bad day... but her involvement was little to none during the actual birthing. That being said, she did help a lot with cleanup, dealing with the placenta, and emptying out the birthing tub for us - so, from that aspect alone, I thought she was worth it! Because I sure as heck didn't want to do the cleanup.

PS: Our other children were hospital births, and we did not have a doula. There's so many doctors and nurses around that a doula kind of seemed irrelevant to us. Homebirth is an entirely different ballgame.

 

[NotRealNameNoSir]

Appreciate all this input. She's not pushing either way we're just considering our options. We'll check our hospital to see if they allow it.

 

[joker80]

Appreciate all this input. She's not pushing either way we're just considering our options. We'll check our hospital to see if they allow it.

Bad dad joke… but she will be pushing either way

 

[jfmav]

A pediatric neurologist I know says “home delivery is for pizza only.” Most the times, things go smoothly but the times they don’t, being in a hospital can mean the difference between a healthy child and a devastating outcome.

 

[springbox]

Wow, uh, I didn't now this was legal nowadays.

 

[NotRealNameNoSir]

A pediatric neurologist I know says “home delivery is for pizza only.” Most the times, things go smoothly but the times they don’t, being in a hospital can mean the difference between a healthy child and a devastating outcome.

Appreciated! God willing we will definitely be in a hospital, no decision there.

 

[Geremie]

Get two then she’ll have a dual-a

 

[RocAFella1]

View attachment 1635190

Wow, uh, I didn't now this was legal nowadays.

@Coyote

 

[Gus]

We used one for our first child. Went to the hospital in the evening, long night of laboring, eventually got an unplanned c-section like 12 exhausting hours later, and then a couple days in the hospital.

Doula was very, very helpful in this scenario. Basically a 3rd person on hand so it wasn't just me (fairly useless beyond chores/tasks) and various nurses coming to poke and prod. Helped my wife understand each step of the process, advocate for various things in the way that the nurses understood, etc. And then a 3rd set of hands to help with everything for ~12 hours after the c-section at which point everyone's terribly sleep deprived and there's still an onslaught of new information, etc...

Absolute most helpful part was helping my wife during contractions and other times where she's basically going wild with pain and her body is doing things it's never done... and having someone who can hold her hand, massage her back, and lead her through breathing exercises while it's all happening was just extremely helpful.

If you had a midwife on hand that'd probably be just as good. The important difference is whether they're basically with the hospital, or with you. If they're with you they advocate for you and have done this 100+ times so they're well versed in everything. Or if a mother/mother-in-law is much loved and happy to help and won't drive you crazy in the hospital room.

Second kiddo was a planned c-section, no need for a doula.

I think we paid ~$800 all in all, including some pre-hospital visits for exercises and other helpful tips for pre-birth physical therapy and other preparations.

Also I think insurance may have covered 100% of it... or at least half. Basically it's categorized as pregnancy-related healthcare. Hospital was all fine with having the doula on site.

Doulas can also be fairly woo-woo... spiritual birth, earth-mother yadda yadaa... if you want that, great! But ours was very straightforward, like a midwife/nurse but without the medical qualifications. Basically an experienced carer/guide, not doctor/nurse.

Enough rambling! See if insurance will cover it. I think Doula-Connect dot com is a site that matches you with local providers

 

[NotRealNameNoSir]

We used one for our first child. Went to the hospital in the evening, long night of laboring, eventually got an unplanned c-section like 12 exhausting hours later, and then a couple days in the hospital.

Doula was very, very helpful in this scenario. Basically a 3rd person on hand so it wasn't just me (fairly useless beyond chores/tasks) and various nurses coming to poke and prod. Helped my wife understand each step of the process, advocate for various things in the way that the nurses understood, etc. And then a 3rd set of hands to help with everything for ~12 hours after the c-section at which point everyone's terribly sleep deprived and there's still an onslaught of new information, etc...

Absolute most helpful part was helping my wife during contractions and other times where she's basically going wild with pain and her body is doing things it's never done... and having someone who can hold her hand, massage her back, and lead her through breathing exercises while it's all happening was just extremely helpful.

If you had a midwife on hand that'd probably be just as good. The important difference is whether they're basically with the hospital, or with you. If they're with you they advocate for you and have done this 100+ times so they're well versed in everything. Or if a mother/mother-in-law is much loved and happy to help and won't drive you crazy in the hospital room.

Second kiddo was a planned c-section, no need for a doula.

I think we paid ~$800 all in all, including some pre-hospital visits for exercises and other helpful tips for pre-birth physical therapy and other preparations.

Also I think insurance may have covered 100% of it... or at least half. Basically it's categorized as pregnancy-related healthcare. Hospital was all fine with having the doula on site.

Doulas can also be fairly woo-woo... spiritual birth, earth-mother yadda yadaa... if you want that, great! But ours was very straightforward, like a midwife/nurse but without the medical qualifications. Basically an experienced carer/guide, not doctor/nurse.

Enough rambling! See if insurance will cover it. I think Doula-Connect dot com is a site that matches you with local providers

Lol you spoke to some of my fears. I want an expert on the physiology and how best to support the wife, don't need our chakras aligned.

 

[Gus]

Lol you spoke to some of my fears. I want an expert on the physiology and how best to support the wife, don't need our chakras aligned

Precisely

It all really came down to “I’ve done this 100 or 1000 times. And your husband has not. And he wants to be helpful, but besides holding your hand he’s pretty useless because he doesn’t actually know anything about this”

Bonus if the doula has multiple children of her own

Also, bigger picture, the doula is there to help your wife emotionally and physically. Whereas the hospital is there to ensure nobody dies and they don’t get sued. Big difference in approach!

Neonatal nurses in my two experiences have been 50% great, 50% OK, and they switch every 8 hours or so so you get to see a lot of them over a single stay.

 

[LeGold]

Even if the doula does not do anything concrete during the birth, it is also psychological, having someone she trusts there (assuming they meet a few times before, and get to know each other). Also, depending on what the hospital allows, the two of them might agree that the doula makes sure they don't do anything she wouldn't want them to when she might not be able to intervene herself.

 

[mike32]

We have 3 grown kids and I’d never heard of this word. Went into the thread having no idea what it was about lol. So needless to say we didn’t have one.

 

[Machine]

There is a world of difference between a Doula and a Midwife.

I have a good friend who is a baby catcher. She explains the difference between the two in training and education. I think a Doula has a 6-month course and a certificate. Midwives must have a degree, and I think they also complete clinicals. Please look into the requirements in your area.

My friend is an avid player and a midwife; I'm sure she would field a call if you wanted to reach out.

 

[LeGold]

There is a world of difference between a Doula and a Midwife.

I have a good friend who is a baby catcher. She explains the difference between the two in training and education. I think a Doula has a 6-month course and a certificate. Midwives must have a degree, and I think they also complete clinicals. Please look into the requirements in your area.

Ok, we now know the difference between a doula and midwife. Now, a baby catcher...?!

 

[Machine]

a baby catcher

aka Midwife

 

[FestiveKnight]

@AutoDonk5000