MrCatPants' Post Office Adventure

MrCatPants

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Well, I just visited four post offices to get a package of chips mailed out.

Post Office #1 - The usual haunt

This is my go to because at least 50% of the time the self service kiosk is working, which by USPS standards is basically 99.9999% of the time. The parking lot is empty, and it's after hours, so it should be a quick and easy in and out. I head on in.

Right around the inside corner from the entrance is (I assume a homeless) man. "You got any money?" he says. Pause, pause, and I think he realizes the look on my face is "Am I going to die here?"

"You know, to help a guy out," he says.

I debate in my head how much money will guarantee me no problems without overspending, because I do see a working kiosk.

"I don't really carry cash, but I might have a couple of bucks," I tell him. Fish a few bucks out of my wallet in a way that makes it seem like everything and hand it over. He counts it and then just sit there quietly. "I'm just going to mail a package," I say. He proceeds to light a cigarette, which I assume means I paid an appropriate toll. But now I'm worried a smoke detector or sprinkler system is going to go off. Damnit, that's a working kiosk, though.

So I go over to the kiosk, type as quickly as possible, and the label printer is stocked and working too! Get a label printed in a fast but totally comfortable and casual way, smack it on the box, and head over to the package drop off...but it's either locked or full. My princess is in another castle.

Post Office #2 - The next closest

So I google map my way to the next closest location. Package drop off is only for small items - medium flat rate box is too big. Let's try again!

Post Office #3 - The next to next closest

Google map a next best option. Get directed to a shopping center with what looks like a post-apocalyptic location - broken window, and the inside looks trashed. Soooooo......

Post Office #4 - The next to next to next closest

I am now over eight miles from my house. The building is well lit, and an empty parking lot. And I can see an open large package drop off thing! I go inside, put in the package, pull the lever, and hear the telltale thud of a way too heavy flat rate box meeting some friends behind the wall. Fantastic!

As I approach the front door to leave, a pack of strange wild birds run up to the door from parts unknown, chortling and clearly wanting to be let in. I have a few minute stand off from the other side of the glass, then start waving my arms around and yelling. If anything, I have heightened these bowling balls with necks interest in entering. I google "crime to let birds in post office?" but the results aren't much help.

About five more minutes in, they wander a little to the side, and I am able to make a quick escape.

Fuck USPS. Enjoy your chips, MEMBER REDACTED.

20210705_185912.jpg
 

JesterTX

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Well, I just visited four post offices to get a package of chips mailed out.

Post Office #1 - The usual haunt

This is my go to because at least 50% of the time the self service kiosk is working, which by USPS standards is basically 99.9999% of the time. The parking lot is empty, and it's after hours, so it should be a quick and easy in and out. I head on in.

Right around the inside corner from the entrance is (I assume a homeless) man. "You got any money?" he says. Pause, pause, and I think he realizes the look on my face is "Am I going to die here?"

"You know, to help a guy out," he says.

I debate in my head how much money will guarantee me no problems without overspending, because I do see a working kiosk.

"I don't really carry cash, but I might have a couple of bucks," I tell him. Fish a few bucks out of my wallet in a way that makes it seem like everything and hand it over. He counts it and then just sit there quietly. "I'm just going to mail a package," I say. He proceeds to light a cigarette, which I assume means I paid an appropriate toll. But now I'm worried a smoke detector or sprinkler system is going to go off. Damnit, that's a working kiosk, though.

So I go over to the kiosk, type as quickly as possible, and the label printer is stocked and working too! Get a label printed in a fast but totally comfortable and casual way, smack it on the box, and head over to the package drop off...but it's either locked or full. My princess is in another castle.

Post Office #2 - The next closest

So I google map my way to the next closest location. Package drop off is only for small items - medium flat rate box is too big. Let's try again!

Post Office #3 - The next to next closest

Google map a next best option. Get directed to a shopping center with what looks like a post-apocalyptic location - broken window, and the inside looks trashed. Soooooo......

Post Office #4 - The next to next to next closest

I am now over eight miles from my house. The building is well lit, and an empty parking lot. And I can see an open large package drop off thing! I go inside, put in the package, pull the lever, and hear the telltale thud of a way too heavy flat rate box meeting some friends behind the wall. Fantastic!

As I approach the front door to leave, a pack of strange wild birds run up to the door from parts unknown, chortling and clearly wanting to be let in. I have a few minute stand off from the other side of the glass, then start waving my arms around and yelling. If anything, I have heightened these bowling balls with necks interest in entering. I google "crime to let birds in post office?" but the results aren't much help.

About five more minutes in, they wander a little to the side, and I am able to make a quick escape.

Fuck USPS. Enjoy your chips, MEMBER REDACTED.

View attachment 732111
Just some Guinea Fowl. Excellent alarms for predators.
 

Highli99

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Dang those are some funky chickens.

I think you got lucky in your “beggar” interaction. A ton of hold ups start with pan handeling to get close then the weapon comes out. Your comments might have been just right, assuming there was hold up potential.
 

MrCatPants

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Dang those are some funky chickens.

I think you got lucky in your “beggar” interaction. A ton of hold ups start with pan handeling to get close then the weapon comes out. Your comments might have been just right, assuming there was hold up potential.
I think it helps that I'm built like a linebacker who enjoyed beer a little too much in retirement.
 

Highli99

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I think it helps that I'm built like a linebacker who enjoyed beer a little too much in retirement.
That def goes into the calculus. Criminals want an easy mark. Around me most pan handel interactions happen at gas stations. My standard practice is to hold my arm out like a traffic cop telling them I can’t help you. My other arm goes to my back hip where the worst case backup plan is located. I’ve never had to do anything beyond that.
 

grebe

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They are guineas. I have been told that making chicken gumbo is for tourists and amateurs. REAL cajuns make gumbo from guineas because it is all dark meat.

And, they eat ticks.
 

ekricket

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They are guineas. I have been told that making chicken gumbo is for tourists and amateurs. REAL cajuns make gumbo from guineas because it is all dark meat.

And, they eat ticks.
I think it’s the other way around, they are all white meat. We raised them when I was a kid, kept bugs away and they were someo if the best fried ever.
 

grebe

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I think it’s the other way around, they are all white meat. We raised them when I was a kid, kept bugs away and they were someo if the best fried ever.
Maybe it's how I remember because I prefer dark.
 
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