Why Does This Keep Happening To Me? (2 Viewers)

[TheBigTater]

 

[chippitydoodah]

No, thats about right. I was sitting to his left. The first time he nutted on the felt I was impressed he could get such a big one out. I immediately looked to make sure you were aware, as it’s not my place to tell a 70 year old man where or where not he can nut, but the second time was too much. And let’s be honest, it was fcking gross, especially since after he left I had to spread out and play near the stain.

But I had a good game so 10/10 besides that. Probably second worst thing in my time there.

You can see a bit of the post-cleaning clarity to the right of the pic:

I dont think I can ever felt my Park Place chips again

 

[Kam]

Ima call BS on this one

Wait, wait.. we’re not asking the right questions.

How old is @Josh Kifer ? And were there any new custom hotstamps on display?

 

[MegaTon44]

Bro, I just woke up. That's enough internet for today....

@CraigT78 - don't get any ideas

 

[shorticus]

If these ever end up in the classifieds, please make sure the potential buyers know about the baby gravy incident.

 

[MrCatPants]

Ok, first off, all of you people acting all incredulous should chill out a little. You probably don't host super often/with large amounts of people. If you do, sometimes stuff happens. This is definitely super gross but it wasn't like he did it on someone or asked someone to do it for him. He tried to keep it quiet and too himself.

And to further this point, I know for a fact that this has happened at another host's game.. He's literally shared a pic and we talked about it a bit at DiD. I didn't think it would ever happen to me, but like it was put into the universe - here we are.

So back to what to do, he's a pretty old man and a first time offender in really any sense. Does this get a little grace or nah?

 

[shorticus]

Wait, seriously, this was like accidental discharge or something?

 

[MrCatPants]

So, if this is for real: nobody saw him get his wang out, push back from the table, stand up and... twice!?

He didn't stand up or anything. Adjustable chairs and the table is at such a height where it only takes minimal arc to clear the rail. To be fair, the first time we weren't 100% sure what had happened (at least I wasn't) but the second time it was relatively clear.

 

[Phantom]

So he is a serial spontaneous nutter... he has to GO!

 

[MrCatPants]

Wait, seriously, this was like accidental discharge or something?

Pretty sure it was intentional.

 

[Phantom]

He didn't stand up or anything. Adjustable chairs and the table is at such a height where it only takes minimal arc to clear the rail. To be fair, the first time we weren't 100% sure what had happened (at least I wasn't) but the second time it was relatively clear.

He had to unzip though...

 

[MrCatPants]

He had to unzip though...

Not really - he just kinda worked it out.

 

[Kam]

Naaaaaaah. You lost me at ‘minimal arc’

 

[shorticus]

L

Pretty sure it was intentional.

If you’re serious, that guy might need some help. That’s just not normal, and until this is figured out, he’s probably not allowed back.

Im really glad you kept your cool. 20 years ago, I would have been pissed, but having been around 2 grandparents with dementia, I understand that things aren’t always the way they seem with older people.

 

[ekricket]

I’m thinking about burning my phone after reading this and seeing pictures. I dont even want to swipe my screen.

Obviously suffering from dementia or Alzheimer’s if he’s doing inappropriate sexual things in public spontaneously. That’s one of the first signs.

 

[MrCatPants]

L

If you’re serious, that guy might need some help. That’s just not normal, and until this is figured out, he’s probably not allowed back.

Im really glad you kept your cool. 20 years ago, I would have been pissed, but having been around 2 grandparents with dementia, I understand that things aren’t always the way they seem with older people.

thanks for being reasonable. I always forget how fast the PCF pitchforks come out.

 

[MrCatPants]

I’m thinking about burning my phone after reading this and seeing pictures. I dont even want to swipe my screen.

Obviously suffering from dementia or Alzheimer’s if he’s doing inappropriate sexual things in public spontaneously. That’s one of the first signs.

I think you have to pass on the title of "Master Blaster" to a new person.

 

[doublebooyah85]

lol I am still waiting for the punchline, if this is true, and you guys kept playing poker, some real degenerates. I'm racking up lol

 

[krafticus]

I’ve been hosting for 17 years with an average of 28-34 players per game, and have never had an issue like this. I do agree that there’s more to this person’s issue and they should look into a medical diagnosis.

Me, I see it happening, I’m probably going to cash out, or punt and go home. That’s nuts.

 

[FilthyMcNasty]

it just hit me that the "mooing" foreshadowed him milking himself

 

[MrCatPants]

it just hit me that the "mooing" foreshadowed him milking himself

Youre right!

Mooooooooooooooooooooooo

 

[shorticus]

That’s nuts.

Literally!

@Beakertwang did I use that word right this time?

 

[Beakertwang]

Literally!

@Beakertwang did I use that word right this time?

Not really, but I’ll give this one to you. You seem like you need a win.

 

[shorticus]

Not really, but I’ll give this one to you. You seem like you need a win.

No, he did it twice. Thats plural. Nuts!

OAN: @MrCatPants probably said something about it being an action game. Clearly a misinterpretation.

Also, who gets off on watching @MrCatPants deal? Yikes!

 

[EastCoastCali]

I feel like I’m reading a really bad troll Reddit story…I’m having trouble understanding how everyone just carried on playing…

 

[upNdown]

Ok, first off, all of you people acting all incredulous should chill out a little. You probably don't host super often/with large amounts of people. If you do, sometimes stuff happens. This is definitely super gross but it wasn't like he did it on someone or asked someone to do it for him. He tried to keep it quiet and too himself.

This is crazy talk. I've never heard of this happening.

 

[BarrieJ3]

Mooing, nutted, old man, twice.

I’m guessing nut milk for a coffee and spilled on table.

 

[Rakrul]

 

[Jers28]

Ok, first off, all of you people acting all incredulous should chill out a little. You probably don't host super often/with large amounts of people. If you do, sometimes stuff happens. This is definitely super gross but it wasn't like he did it on someone or asked someone to do it for him. He tried to keep it quiet and too himself.

And to further this point, I know for a fact that this has happened at another host's game.. He's literally shared a pic and we talked about it a bit at DiD. I didn't think it would ever happen to me, but like it was put into the universe - here we are.

So back to what to do, he's a pretty old man and a first time offender in really any sense. Does this get a little grace or nah?

I’m still not convinced you guys are just yanking our chains here, but I’m going to respond as if you aren’t and are actually asking a question.

If this older player randomly stabbed the player next to him, but it was a first time offense, would this even be a question? Obviously not. Ok, how about shouts “I like fucking children!” and returns back to normal behavior as if nothing has happened? Again, probably not gonna let that slide. So we’ve eliminated battery and some sketchy sexual talk, which is technically assault. How about if he just randomly blew his nose on his neighbor. Once, I’m absolutely saying wtf dude and addressing it, but it somehow was confusing and not clear what happened. The second time, I no longer care if it’s an accident, how old he is or what his intent was. I’m still not having some dude who randomly launches snot rockets at my table. Yuck. Da fuck, man??? One of your primary responsibilities as host is to protect the other players as much as humanly possible. And getting someone else’s jizz, snot, shit or any other bodily secretion on another player or the table/chips/cards etc isn’t something anyone signed up for.

So, he’s out of my game forever. I’ll be as humane as possible, because of his age and possible dementia, but if he’s suffering from some form of mental disorder, your role to protect all players, including protecting him from himself applies. You can’t seriously be considering how to play a poker hand if you are mentally disabled in any way. I won’t let a player play cards if they’ve had too much to drink, let alone are mentally incompetent without the aid of alcohol. I call them an uber and let them know they can’t get hammered at my game. Drunk people (I’ve been the drunk unfortunately) have the potential to do really stupid shit and put themselves and others in bad situations. So, they get one warning. The second warning is the final. And I wouldn’t care if it was my own brother. I want everyone in my game to feel safe in every way possible.

Now, tell us all you’re just messing with us, please.

 

[shorticus]

If this older player randomly stabbed the player next to him, but it was a first time offense, would this even be a question? Obviously not. Ok, how about shouts “I like fucking children!” and returns back to normal behavior as if nothing has happened? Again, probably not gonna let that slide.

You’ve clearly not been to this game.