Tell Me a Funny Story

JMC9389

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As simple as the thread title indicates.

Can be poker related or not, but the more shenanigans there are, the better.

I'll start with one. I told this story on here once before; apologies if you saw it and it's a repeat. Anyway...

This was a couple years back now. Friend of mine was hosting for a micro-stakes cash game with dice chips (keep in mind this was before my join date here, didn't know any better!). We did .10/.20 blinds with unlimited $10 buy ins or top offs at a time. We all buy in and open the card boxes and shuffle and deal the cards. My memory is fuzzy on the details on which hand I had and when, but on the very first hand I look down at pocket Jacks. Even in early position I raise, and to my amazement I got 4 callers on our 7 person table. Flop comes J K K. Full boat off the flop? Awesome! I'm second to act and I call a half pot bet from BB that was first to act. Amazingly, there was one other flat caller. Turn comes a 10. BB bets again, I raise and both last to act and BB flat call again. Alarm bells are going off but I soldier on. River comes an Ace. BB jams and I jam with my KKJJJ boat, and last to act folds. BB turns over AKo and I donked away my first buy in after just the first hand.

Whatever, I buy in again. Very next hand I get dealt AJo. I open with a raise and get called twice and the new BB three bets, which isn't out of the realm for him, but he doesn't three bet unless he has a high pocket pair. Again, to my amazement, I call and so do the other two callers to my initial raise. Four handed going into the flop, comes out A T J. I open with a full pot bet to chase away the other players in the hand with top two pair and to try to get some money back. My spidey-sense tingled even more after I got two callers to my large bet. Turn comes a Q. I c-bet and again, one player calls and BB even raised me (again, not an out of the ordinary move for him as he's one of the more LAG-ey players at the table). I flat call and third hand folds. River comes another Q. I shove and BB snap calls and turns over QK suited for the straight.

At this point I'm pissed off and ask the host to take a look at the decks, as there was no way that I could have two hands like this in a row. Sure enough, I take a look at the decks, realize there's a lot of face cards in there, and come to see that we're playing with a bunch of pinochle decks! Everyone is laughing their asses off except for me, but I came around a few seconds later and laughed about the absurdity of the situation too. Luckily I've known the host and all of the players in the game since high school, so we all agreed to nuke the game so far and start from scratch with standard 52 card decks, giving me a buy in back to start from where I began. The guy that was responsible for bringing the cards to that game, to this day, is banned from providing the cards for the recurring game that we've run.
 

Mojo1312

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My buddy called late last week and invited me over for heads up play after a game failed to materialize. He is a fairly adept player who loves watching Live at the Bike, but he has a problem staying sober, which compromises his game. However, this particular evening he sounded clean, so I accepted the invite.

We played NLHE, CP, and No limit Omaha-hi dealer's choice. (Roughly a 60% mix of hold-em and 20% for each of the other two.)

I get Ace, Ace, x while playing CP on his deal. I cannot recall who was the aggressor pre-flop, but I do remember the flop itself: 5,K,10 rainbow. l discarded my low card and bet my Aces. He flat calls. The turn is another 5. I c-bet and he raises all-in. Calling will leave me with 20 to 25 percent of my chips.

I felt very strongly that he didn't have a set of fives and I had trouble believing he had a set of tens. I was leaning towards A,K, K,T or J,Q. I deliberated for about ten seconds before making the call. To my surprise, he flipped over pocket Kings.

I am crushed and looking at an uphill climb. He is thrilled to see my hand. He burns the last card and deals the river -- revealing an Ace for a two-outer!

He let out an expletive and digested the board for a few seconds in complete silence, then excused himself from the table.

That was the end of his sobriety for the night. (He told me later that he took a Klonopin after suffering the bad beat.)

The evening ended three-zero.

More sad than funny, I know, but reading about your bad beats bought this episode from last week to mind. Poker can be a sick game.
 

navels

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I have an ongoing poker rivalry with a buddy. Every hand we are in together is serious. One time we both decided to go to war in the same hand. He had A9o to my A2o. I think I was on the button and he was the BB. Preflop was raise, 3-bet, call. He check-called my flop and turn bets and check-raised me all in on the river.

We both had nothing. I insta-called his river shove and he mucked. I flipped my cards over . . . as soon as it dawned on him that his kicker played he tried grabbing his cards out of the muck . . . too late. #rekt.
 

joeyshin

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Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her inlaws, and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda’s eyes were now open, and she looked very strange.

He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she’d been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour. The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.
 

dennis63

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I've mentioned before that I'm a retired police officer and did 25 years as a patrol officer and detective. I know the current climate doesn't use the word "cop" and "humor" in the same sentence, but you see a lot of funny things.

Several years ago, while working as a detective in a small city, I was trying to clear out the outstanding warrants. I tried calling a guy several times who was wanted for a bad check, and decided to try going to his house in a development in the county outside my town. A young, very polite county police officer met me near the house, and we both went to the door. It was around 3 p.m. We knocked.

A heavy-set woman of about 45 wearing a robe and smoking a cigarette came to the door. She looked angry.

"Is Frank here?" I asked.

"He ain't here," she said.

Now I had never met Frank, and for some reason, I thought he was maybe 19 or 20 years old. I assumed the woman at the door was Mom.

"Do you know where he might be right now?" I asked. "Does he have any friends, a girlfriend?"

"Girlfriend!" She said. "He better not. I'm his f$@*ing wife!"

The young officer next to me began stammering.

"Now, Ma'am, the detective didn't mean to let you know, I mean to tell you that he's, no, I mean suggest he might..."

We were sunk. The more he talked, the deeper he dug the hole for Frank. I actually felt bad for the man.

"I'm gonna kill that no good son of a..."

We did the only thing we could do. We turned and headed for our cars, walking at first. The door slammed behind us, but we could still hear her screaming inside. We ducked behind a row of hedges before laughing out load.

"Well, you'll know when he gets home tonight," the officer said. "We'll be coming back for the domestic."

Frank turned himself in soon after. In his case, jail was probably safer.
 
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