Scrub Donkey Giveaway (3 Viewers)

[Poker Zombie]

Perhaps it is because I'm mental, but I am offering up 1 free 11"x 20" canvas print of the @BonScot masterpiece: Scrub Donkey.

Of course, this giveaway will be very scrub-donkey like.

Rules:

There will be a 10 player NLHE(ish) contest to determine the winner. To be entered into the contest, post in this thread why you are the ultimate scrub donkey. The 3 best stories (as determined by me) will gain the first 3 seats. The remaining seats will be determined by a random number generator. Each entrant will receive a number of entries based on their "Reaction score" - because 'likable' content is why I'm here. Those players will fill the remaining 7 seats.

I will PM each participant 2 cards. You must PM me back "Shove" or "Draw". If you Draw, you will discard your two cards and be dealt 2 more cards, which you must play. I will then do a flip, and the winner gets the print.

Boring small print:

• Entry is from now until September 26, 1PM EST (6p Scotland time, noon central US time, 10 am Pacific US time, 3am Melbourne on the 27th - because that is how Aussies roll).
• Cards will be PM'ed on the 26th (27th in Australia), whenever I get around to it. This is free, so don't expect miracles.
• The flip will happen the next day - hopefully. I am on shift that day, so if it is a busy day you may have to wait until Saturday. The contest is free, but I have to work to afford your "mediocre poker winnings".
• I retain the right to modify or cancel the contest. @Tommy or the other mods can shut it down completely.
• I will ship anywhere in the US at my cost. International participants may have to pay their own way. My plan is to just ship the canvas direct from the manufacturer, but if they don't do international delivery, I will ship it to me and then re-ship at the winner's cost.
• Winner must post a pic of the finished product. That was BonScot's request for use of his art. I think it should be hanging on the wall when you do it, but if you put it in front of the portrait at a funeral, that would be epic.

 

[Saoliver]

In.

I buy a ton of chips that cannot be redeemed for my money. I buy chips at $2-$5 each, then have them milled into fracs. I spend way too much time on PCF when I should be working.

Is that good enough? I can go on.

Edit for addition: I play 10¢/20¢ home games, often losing but sometimes getting mediocre winnings.

 

[ReallyGoodUsername]

In

 

[shorticus]

In. I should be in because I am a self proclaimed member of the poker chip police !

 

[Highli99]

I am a scrub donkey because I have bought multiple sets of plastic chips at prices higher than real cash value Paul-Son chips you can exchange for cash at the casino. Plus, I am guilty of posting mediocre poker winnings lower than the rake at house games that real poker player host one time.

 

[Beakertwang]

Why am I the ultimate Scrub Donkey? Because I joined PCF thinking it would be a good place to sell my 600 chip Showdown set. So of course, now I own 1500 8V's (including 900 chips for limit, and a bank of $3755 for NL/PL games, even thought I've never had more than $180 on my table), and a set of Paulson Cal-Nevas for a tourney set. Additionally, I've got 30 10x shuffle stacks of various chips just to have on my desk.

And...

I've bought several racks and barrels of Paulson chips that have never seen any action in a game, just on impulse.

I've spent way beyond my budget on a bunch of chips I don't need, all because I thought PCF would be interested in my plastic sluggers.

 

[moose]

I'm the ultimate scrub donkey because I am so desperate for poker games I will travel to other countries to play with other like minded scrub donkeys, even having to put up with the jingoistic ravings of @Anthony Martino.

Scrub donkeys getting clean in Iceland

 

[legend672]

I dream about chips. I’ve been known to argue with myself about edgespot patterns. I once shot a man for snoring

 

[BiGGyT]

See, it is so horrid that I'd win.

Out. Good luck!

 

[softchewy]

in

Ultimate Scrub Donkey Verification:
1. Just spent $4500 on a set of chips from a fake casino.
2. The chips in the pictures below are from casinos that never opened and can't be redeemed for face value:

Good example of scrub donkeyness in the below pic..
Chips from a casino that never opened - check
Live chips that I paid well more than face value for - check
"Real" chips from a fake casino - check
Chips from a closed casino that can't be redeemed - check

3. I have paid 8x face value for some live casino chips
4. I am a donkey hanging out the passenger side of my best friend's ride trying to holla at TLC
5. I own well over 20,000 casino chips and don't host a regular game

 

[Beakertwang]

in

Ultimate Scrub Donkey Verification:
1. Just spent $4500 on a set of chips from a fake casino.
2. The chips in the picture below are from a casino that never opened and can't be redeemed for face value:

View attachment 340956

3. I have paid 8x face value for some live casino chips
4. I am a donkey hanging out the passenger side of my best friend's ride trying to holla at TLC

Whoa

 

[Josh Kifer]

Have you seen my shit posts? I mean, it's literally all I do. And I'd hang that in my living room. Not even kidding. And I own four cash sets and don't even play cash.

 

[JMC9389]

I've been here for two months and spent over $2k on poker chips that are not worth anyone's rake in my home game. I didn't even buy chips that have any value at any casino.

All to represent my mediocre, somewhat skilled poker winnings.

 

[softchewy]

Whoa

Check the post again.. double whoa

 

[allforcharity]

I am so scrub donkey - like that I sell chips at a loss before I even buy them, never mind receiving them in the mail. I have never failed to lose at least 3 buy ins at every tournament, including 6 at Hammer's place even though I didn't show up because he's just so damn good. And I am very hygienic especially in the "ass" department because I use only the toughest bristles (from @BonScot 's own chest growth).

 

[Saoliver]

Check the post again.. double whoa

Um...Yeah...that update made me change my Haha to WOW. Holy shit.

 

[bigdonkey]

I am the BIGGEST SCRUB DONKEY.

I've been know as Big Donkey since HS, long before it was a common jargon in the poker ranks. The man who gave me the moniker never revealed the reason why. Some might tell you it's because I am a real jackass. Others may tell you it's because my stubbornness in unmatched. Still more may tell you it's because of the harsh braying sound I emit, which I call "talking." No one may ever know.*

I call my man cave "Donkey's Club". My card protector is a donkey. I host $12 tournaments. My chipsets all have cartoonish donkey images (see avatar), which quite frankly would complement @BonScot 's work of art beautifully. I have a personalized PA license plate (somewhere) IM DONKY. Hell, I even call my son Little Donkey. He may not know it, but BonScot made this for me, all you can do is deny it it's true owner, it's destiny. I would love it, and hug it, and squeeze it and never let it go.















*It's because of my GIANT F***ING HORSE C**K. I will PM a pic to anyone who reacts to my post.**

**Not Really***

***Unless you really want it****

****And you're cute******

*****Or I'm drunk

 

[BonScot]

I am so scrub donkey - like that I sell chips at a loss before I even buy them, never mind receiving them in the mail. I have never failed to lose at least 3 buy ins at every tournament, including 6 at Hammer's place even though I didn't show up because he's just so damn good. And I am very hygienic especially in the "ass" department because I use only the toughest bristles (from @BonScot 's own chest growth).

Just to be clear... my chest hair isn’t still attached to me when he’s cleaning his ass

 

[allforcharity]

Just to be clear... my chest hair isn’t still attached to me when he’s cleaning his ass

And "ass" = "donkey" in case that was missed by the less zoologically inclined.

 

[JMC9389]

I am the BIGGEST SCRUB DONKEY.

I've been know as Big Donkey since HS, long before it was a common jargon in the poker ranks. The man who gave me the moniker never revealed the reason why. Some might tell you it's because I am a real jackass. Others may tell you it's because my stubbornness in unmatched. Still more may tell you it's because of the harsh braying sound I emit, which I call "talking." No one may ever know.*

I call my man cave "Donkey's Club". My card protector is a donkey. I host $12 tournaments. My chipsets all have cartoonish donkey images (see avatar), which quite frankly would complement @BonScot 's work of art beautifully. I have a personalized PA license plate (somewhere) IM DONKY. Hell, I even call my son Little Donkey. He may not know it, but BonScot made this for me, all you can do is deny it it's true owner, it's destiny. I would love it, and hug it, and squeeze it and never let it go.















*It's because of my GIANT F***ING HORSE C**K. I will PM a pic to anyone who reacts to my post.**

**Not Really***

***Unless you really want it****

****And you're cute******

*****Or I'm drunk

That's it. I retract my entry.

 

[BarrieJ3]

I am the ultimate skrubb donkey. Some people buy chips for a better poker game, for aesthetics, the appeal of them at least almost being worth something at a casino that never was.

Not this man. I buy 1000s of random CPS chips because it was the first non dice chip I owned. Nevermind that they don't actually fit together or any of the denoms make sense. Hey, at least I can make 3 tourney sets and 4 cash sets, none of which share the same color/denoms matchups.

What other scrub fights and claws to own a beautiful set of Mardi Gras, because he proposed in New Orleans and wants to bring the wife into chipping? Only to bring them out as a surprise on poker night and have her say, "Oh cool, look at those!", and move to the other table to play with another man's starbursts (OOC). Damned if I don't have Starbursts in my mailbox every other day now.

This skrubb donkey convinces other sub skrubb donkeys in his neighborhood to buy 350 yellow chips of 3 different denoms from a group buy because his wife likes the color.

What does a skrubb donkey do while selling off all of his extras to pay for emergency surgery for the pet because the kids can't move overseas without their special animal? Well, he browses the classifieds for what he's buying next.

I know @Josh Kifer is a skrubb donkey. So what does that make the man who bids and wins five of his auctions on the same day, not because he has any use for the chips, but because why the hell not? The ultimate skrubb donkey.

These men couldn't hold the towel for this donkey to dry off. Can I get an Amen?!

Edit: In rereading my post, I both wonder WTF and recognize the need for help. Thank you @Poker Zombie for helping me get there.

Edit2: People keep mentioning children. Mine fight over poker chips. Sometimes violently. As a 1 and 3 year old. Also, my 3 year old has about 800 dice chips. Refuses to play with em. Gave in and he got 3 racks of some injection something or other. That held him for about a month before I found him squirreling away my chips. Still have yet to find my Bahamia DBs, a couple oversized chips, and a sample set.

 

[CraigT78]

Following - will enter later. Too busy fondling my chips.

 

[Josh Kifer]

I am the ultimate skrubb donkey. Some people buy chips for a better poker game, for aesthetics, the appeal of them at least almost being worth something at a casino that never was.

Not this man. I buy 1000s of random CPS chips because it was the first non dice chip I owned. Nevermind that they don't actually fit together or any of the denoms make sense. Hey, at least I can make 3 tourney sets and 4 cash sets, none of which share the same color/denoms matchups.

What other scrub fights and claws to own a beautiful set of Mardi Gras, because he proposed in New Orleans and wants to bring the wife into chipping? Only to bring them out as a surprise on poker night and have her say, "Oh cool, look at those!", and move to the other table to play with another man's starbursts (OOC). Damned if I don't have Starbursts in my mailbox every other day now.

This skrubb donkey convinces other sub skrubb donkeys in his neighborhood to buy 350 yellow chips of 3 different denoms from a group buy because his wife likes the color.

What does a skrubb donkey do while selling off all of his extras to pay for emergency surgery for the pet because the kids can't move overseas without their special animal? Well, he browses the classifieds for what he's buying next.

I know @Josh Kifer is a skrubb donkey. So what does that make the man who bids and wins five of his auctions on the same day, not because he has any use for the chips, but because why the hell not? The ultimate skrubb donkey.

These men couldn't hold the towel for this donkey to dry off. Can I get an Amen?!

Edit: In rereading my post, I both wonder WTF and recognize the need for help. Thank you @Poker Zombie for helping me get there.

You need an intervention before wall art...

 

[BarrieJ3]

You need an intervention before wall art...

But it's...so cold...when they take my chips away...what will I wrap up in?

 

[Josh Kifer]

But it's...so cold...when they take my chips away...what will I wrap up in?

A condom. A giant huge condom.

 

[bigdonkey]

 

[BarrieJ3]

A condom. A giant huge condom.

Paging @bigdonkey

 

[MegaTon44]

Very generous of you, MJ!

And @BonScot, I get the feeling that your artistic ability is much greater than you are letting on...

 

[FDLmold]

I am a big time scrub donkey. I only play poker when I host, and that is only once every month or two. I play micro stakes and need 5c chips to do so. My best night of poker I won $20. But I regularly spend $1.50 to $2 per chip for micro stakes chips, and buy too many of them when I do. My friends have no idea what I spend, and they would think I was an idiot if they did. But I like nice chips, particularly oversize. So I don't give a shit what they or random trolls on the internet think, because I am a Scrub Donkey.

 

[johnjohn]

in.

I own mixed sets of WTHC, BTP, SB, ES and AS. full scrub donkey prices and I use abbreviations for them. Final answer: my kids think I sell poker chips and cigars for a living.

[Edit: I own 2000+ jack chips that have not seen the light of day.]