Considering Relocation for a Job (1 Viewer)

Davism72

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Hi, everyone! I have a big life decision coming up. Thought I’d see if anyone else had been in a similar situation and how it went.

You may remember that I got let go from my job in May of 2019. Well, it happened again in April of this year. My job search, while stressful, actually went really well this time. The market’s hot for software engineers. I talked to a ton of companies and netted three offers. I accepted one for nearly double my previous salary, a remote job, so we could stay in Reno and live really comfortably. Planning to start saving for retirement and my kids’ education in earnest, as well as some other quality of life upgrades. Things could be good.

Here’s the trouble. I was also interviewing with SpaceX, and they’ve decided to make an offer. I’m totally stunned. I figured I’d just do my best and they would say no and I’d have a cool story to tell. So now I’m really in a pickle! They want me to relocate my family to Redmond, WA. I’ve lived in Reno my whole life, and all of our family is here.

Open to most any thoughts. I’m particularly interested in hearing stories of relocating with young kids, especially for a tech job. I guess I don’t want to hear much talk on the politics of the company's leader. It’s just too much complexity. Trying to focus on me and my family.

Some more details:
- SpaceX’s offer is for about 20% less. Although it comes with a lot of equity that could be life-changing money, it presents a tough cash flow problem.
- SpaceX is my dream job. It’s the reason I learned to code and switched careers. This is a really big deal for me.
- I’m already dealing with depression, and I’m afraid moving will just make things worse.
- I have three children. The oldest is 7, and will be going into 2nd grade.
- My wife is a teacher and isn’t worried at all about finding a job there. WA also pays about 20k more per year than NV. And WA is ranked 4th in education while NV is 47th.
- My family has already said they’d visit frequently, so it’s not like we’d never see them. But it is a break. We have weekly dinners now. My kids know and love their extended family, and I’m afraid that would change if we left.
- More, I’m sure. I’m just really scattered. Feel free to ask questions.

Thanks in advance. I love this site.
 
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Eriks

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SpaceX is my dream job. It’s the reason I learned to code and switched careers. This is a really big deal for me.
I think this says it all. If your wife is onboard, I say go for it. It might end up being the big thing you’ll regret you never did. The kids are still young and won’t have a problem readjusting.

We have relocated 3 times. Once when our oldest was 3 (then only child). Second time when they were 1 and 7 and now this last fall when they were 8 and 14. This last one was the hardest for them but it’s working out perfectly
 

ktran

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Hi, everyone! I have a big life decision coming up. Thought I’d see if anyone else had been in a similar situation and how it went.

You may remember that I got let go from my job in May of 2019. Well, it happened again in April of this year. My job search, while stressful, actually went really well this time. The market’s hot for software engineers. I talked to a ton of companies and netted three offers. I accepted one for nearly double my previous salary, a remote job, so we could stay in Reno and live really comfortably. Planning to start saving for retirement and my kids’ education in earnest, as well as some other quality of life upgrades. Things could be good.

Here’s the trouble. I was also interviewing with SpaceX, and they’ve decided to make an offer. I’m totally stunned. I figured I’d just do my best and they would say no and I’d have a cool story to tell. So now I’m really in a pickle! They want me to relocate my family to Redmond, WA. I’ve lived in Reno my whole life, and all of our family is here.

Open to most any thoughts. I’m particularly interested in hearing stories of relocating with young kids, especially for a tech job. I guess I don’t want to hear much Elon Bad talk, even though I agree. It’s just too much complexity and I need to take him out of the equation.

Some more details:
- SpaceX’s offer is for about 20% less. Although it comes with a lot of equity that could be life-changing money, it presents a tough cash flow problem.
- SpaceX is my dream job. It’s the reason I learned to code and switched careers. This is a really big deal for me.
- I’m already dealing with depression, and I’m afraid moving will just make things worse.
- I have three children. The oldest is 7, and will be going into 2nd grade.
- My wife is a teacher and isn’t worried at all about finding a job there. WA also pays about 20k more per year than NV. And WA is ranked 4th in education while NV is 47th.
- My family has already said they’d visit frequently, so it’s not like we’d never see them. But it is a break. We have weekly dinners now. My kids know and love their extended family, and I’m afraid that would change if we left.
- More, I’m sure. I’m just really scattered. Feel free to ask questions.

Thanks in advance. I love this site.
Doing what you like more will make you more happy. If you're not struggling cost of living, I'd say go for it. Also depends what the root of the depression is. Is it because you're not doing what you like? Also I've learned happiness and any emotion is fleeting and being content is fine. Nothing wrong with pursuing happiness though. Change is nice if it's an improvement. It's your life, do what you want. Gotta listen to yourself bc you know yourself the best. Never been to either city, but I'd imagine life for the kids will be better in WA. If only you could get some samples like chips. You never know until you try. Worse case you move back after some time.
 
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harrysallout

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We sold our home and moved half way across the country at the end of 2020 with a six & three year old. Although we think it may be tough on kids remember they are resilient and adapt much easier than we as adults do since they're "world" is much smaller than ours. They are still young enough that it won't affect them as much so if this is what you want I'd go for it.
 

Saoliver

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Hi, everyone! I have a big life decision coming up. Thought I’d see if anyone else had been in a similar situation and how it went.

You may remember that I got let go from my job in May of 2019. Well, it happened again in April of this year. My job search, while stressful, actually went really well this time. The market’s hot for software engineers. I talked to a ton of companies and netted three offers. I accepted one for nearly double my previous salary, a remote job, so we could stay in Reno and live really comfortably. Planning to start saving for retirement and my kids’ education in earnest, as well as some other quality of life upgrades. Things could be good.

Here’s the trouble. I was also interviewing with SpaceX, and they’ve decided to make an offer. I’m totally stunned. I figured I’d just do my best and they would say no and I’d have a cool story to tell. So now I’m really in a pickle! They want me to relocate my family to Redmond, WA. I’ve lived in Reno my whole life, and all of our family is here.

Open to most any thoughts. I’m particularly interested in hearing stories of relocating with young kids, especially for a tech job. I guess I don’t want to hear much Elon Bad talk, even though I agree. It’s just too much complexity and I need to take him out of the equation.

Some more details:
- SpaceX’s offer is for about 20% less. Although it comes with a lot of equity that could be life-changing money, it presents a tough cash flow problem.
- SpaceX is my dream job. It’s the reason I learned to code and switched careers. This is a really big deal for me.
- I’m already dealing with depression, and I’m afraid moving will just make things worse.
- I have three children. The oldest is 7, and will be going into 2nd grade.
- My wife is a teacher and isn’t worried at all about finding a job there. WA also pays about 20k more per year than NV. And WA is ranked 4th in education while NV is 47th.
- My family has already said they’d visit frequently, so it’s not like we’d never see them. But it is a break. We have weekly dinners now. My kids know and love their extended family, and I’m afraid that would change if we left.
- More, I’m sure. I’m just really scattered. Feel free to ask questions.

Thanks in advance. I love this site.
Do it.

Come for a visit. You will love it.
 

bergs

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If you got another job locally making the same money you made before, would you always regret not taking the SpaceX job? If you would regret it, you gotta go. Life is too short for regrets.
 

raynmanas

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if the 20% less is their first offer, you can almost certainly squeeze a little more by playing the relocation card. but even if you can't it still sounds like a no-brainer career-wise if it is your dream job, not to mention a potentially huge long-term financial windfall.

so it sounds like what it really comes down to is just generally being worried about uprooting your family and leaving your extended family behind. that's strictly a personal decision. tough call man.
 

VivasTable

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If its the reason you started coding, I think that is the answer. Go for it, dream job is well worth a 20% reduction (of the new offer of double your current pay???)

In regards to depression, a new start, a dream job, leaving it all behind mentality might be the kick start you needed to pick yourself up out of the funk. It may be stressful but that might help too.
 

chicubs1988

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What would be the benefits packages at each job? At this point you seem to be ok with either option. If the family supports either option and both can work financially it comes down to dream job vs. more take home pay. SpaceX is offering you less in a much higher cost of living location, but if you and the family are ok with that and your wife's pay increase also helps negate the salary difference, then its more of a question of how much less take home pay you're ok with, job security and future prospects, and how you feel about moving away from what you know.
 

cmbird23

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Wow! Well first congrats! Really cool to get offered your dream job.

I’d say if wife is in you do it! I move every two to three years with wife and kids in tow. (4 and 6 years old) the kids think it’s so cool to try new things and go to new schools, plus they make new friends. It works for our family really well.

That being said, I see how stressful a move is, especially away from family and where you have always known. If you do it you have to go into it with an open mind, it will be different than what you are used to and there will be uncomfortable things.

For example: I lived in Hawaii for a period of time, we loved it so so much, but other co-workers hated it. They hated it because they couldn’t get out of the “this isn’t home” funk. We went out and explored and tried new things, which is why we enjoyed it. Others stayed at home and didn’t experience all Hawaii had to offer so they didn’t enjoy it.

I mention that to say if you go make sure you get out there and do stuff, if you don’t, in my opinion it won’t be a pleasant exp.

Just my thoughts.
 

tabletalker7

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All I can say is don't worry too much about the kids. My old lady is an Army brat. She says the moves every few years let her make new friends. She actually feels bad that her own children didn't enjoy growing up the way she did.
 

Ben8257

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This one means everything to me.
My family has already said they’d visit frequently, so it’s not like we’d never see them. But it is a break. We have weekly dinners now. My kids know and love their extended family, and I’m afraid that would change if we left.
The weekly dinners hits home. My mom/step Dad and sisters moved to Tennessee 16 years ago. 8 hour drive and average seeing them once or twice a year. We did weekly dinners, played games. Now it's a once everything week phone call. My baby sister just had her second child two days ago, she moved out... I don't know they guy, the kids may never know uncle Ben.

Definitely a tough decision... but no way I would leave my family. For me I would take the higher paying Job and stay at home... not for the money, for my family, for the kids to actually know the rest of the family and not just a couple visits a year and the occasional video call.

But that's just me. Good luck with the decision!
 

gopherblue

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I concur with all of the above. Take the SpaceX job. Dream job, equity and other factors make it an easy call. Relocate to a better place to live (no offense to Reno, but Washington is so much better, the quality of life is great, and the school quality for your kids is not even close). You can visit Reno often.
 

warma

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My wife and I turned down offers to move to CA several years ago. The comp package was much bigger and really good, but the cost of living, the extra friction in our lives created by work/school/activity commutes, and more caused us to turn it down.

What would have happened? Not certain. Ironically, 6 years later, I ended up with that company, just working from VA instead of CA. We still think about it, but in the end, I think not moving for us was the better answer. Who knows.

These aren’t always easy calls, and you’re clearly thinking about the important elements. Each case is different, there will always unknowns, you can always play the what if game.

Alternatively, and I’m totally serious, I’m happy to help you look at SWE jobs at my tech company. Not Space-X and we have our own controversies (who doesn’t), but it could be a move in the right direction and we allow remote work. Happy to DM.
 

Davism72

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Thanks, everyone. Keep it coming.

@Ben8257 I appreciate the dissenting opinion. It's a tough call.

I'd also love to chat with anyone in the area. The more the better, I think. @Saoliver I'll PM you.
 

Budha

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Hey Bud,

Yes, I went through a similar decision 3 years ago when we moved from VA to TX. I am a native Virginian, and love the state - grew up and lived in Richmond. Then moved to NoVA - which is pretty much a different state, or arguably even a different country - lol.

An Internal opportunity w/my company for a nice promotion in both salary and responsibility’s arose, but required relo to the Dallas area. Moving from friends and family was tough, but also exciting. Here were my key decision criteria:

- Cost of living. Way more house in TX then in NoVA for same money. Taxes, etc - you REALLY need to work ALL of that out on paper to see if you end up ahead or not. Taxes can make a huge difference in your net and I declined several offers due to being high tax cities/states as the net gain was marginal after all considerations

- Job market, if new job fails, can I find another one in the area. Regional stability, etc.

- Schools, VA has (or at least used to) have one of the highest ranked public school systems in the country. Where we are in TX is ranked very well and we have good schools.

- Relo package, what is being offered, what do you have to cover, etc. Moving can be expensive- lol. My company covered everything.
** Try and get them to cover your closing costs on the sale of your house, including realtor fees!!

- And last and most importantly- Quality of Life improvement. Will the new job and location offer a material quality of life improvement.

For me, it came down to QOL. NoVA had become unbearable for me. I was just pissed off all the time and needed a change.

I am at a point in my career where the job itself and the salary alone are not enough. It needs to be a whole package, including the area, schools, things to do, etc. Personally, I would not move just for the job as jobs come and go. But a dream job in a great area, with a high QOL - that starts getting into sign me up territory- lol!

The hardest part by far was making new friends. As I’ve gotten older, I am not nearly as social as I used to be. So that’s been kinda tough leaving life long friendships back on the east coast.

It’s worked out well for us, my kids have adjusted well, and the area is great. Sometimes a change of pace and scenario offers a whole new perspective!
 
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Davism72

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Alternatively, and I’m totally serious, I’m happy to help you look at SWE jobs at my tech company. Not Space-X and we have our own controversies (who doesn’t), but it could be a move in the right direction and we allow remote work. Happy to DM.
This is so generous. Thank you! The people here are so great.

I'm going to hold off for now. Can't imagine adding more complexity to all of this. But I'll definitely be in touch if something changes!
 

Highli99

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Redmond WA and nearby bellview are some of the nicest areas areas in this country. I live on east coast but have been traveling there regularly for 20 years. It’s expensive but very nice. Space X is a heck of a company. Best of luck to you.
 

JWC

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I like the equity idea, and it changed my life years ago.

However:
- As you might recall, I work in Reno, and Tesla is always an option. More money would be easy. Quality of life would stick. More hours, more stress. It’s a snap no.
- Tesla just did a 10% RIF, could spacex be next? What is your backup plan?
- Family nearby is amazing, and that is priceless.

Do what you and your wife think is best, but balance everything out carefully.
 

Davism72

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Tesla just did a 10% RIF, could spacex be next? What is your backup plan?
I don't even have one plan. I need a backup too? Only half kidding here.

There's been lots of talk about how the job they're hiring for is on of the big bottlenecks at the company, so that feels a bit more secure to me. That said, I've been let go from every real tech job I've ever had, and all before the three-year mark. Feels like it's just the way the industry works.
 
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Split

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First off, congratulations on the competing offers! That’s a great dilemma to have. Family seems very important to you, so I wanted to offer this input for your consideration. I don’t know what your work hours are for the remote work offer, nor do I know what the work hours are for a SpaceX software engineer in Redmond, WA. However, I have professionally known some non-software engineers that worked for SpaceX in Hawthorne, CA. They seemed passionate about their work, and seemed happy. However, they also worked far in excess of 40 hours per week. I got the impression that they often worked in excess of 60 hours a week. I know that’s something I could do when young and single, but 60+ work hour weeks is not compatible with what I want out of family life. I recommend that you make sure you understand what the expectations (even unwritten) are before making your decision. My understanding is from 6-7 years ago, so maybe things have changed at SpaceX, but please make sure that you understand exactly what the expectations are. Best of luck to you!
 

BarrieJ3

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Hi, everyone! I have a big life decision coming up. Thought I’d see if anyone else had been in a similar situation and how it went.

You may remember that I got let go from my job in May of 2019. Well, it happened again in April of this year. My job search, while stressful, actually went really well this time. The market’s hot for software engineers. I talked to a ton of companies and netted three offers. I accepted one for nearly double my previous salary, a remote job, so we could stay in Reno and live really comfortably. Planning to start saving for retirement and my kids’ education in earnest, as well as some other quality of life upgrades. Things could be good.

Here’s the trouble. I was also interviewing with SpaceX, and they’ve decided to make an offer. I’m totally stunned. I figured I’d just do my best and they would say no and I’d have a cool story to tell. So now I’m really in a pickle! They want me to relocate my family to Redmond, WA. I’ve lived in Reno my whole life, and all of our family is here.

Open to most any thoughts. I’m particularly interested in hearing stories of relocating with young kids, especially for a tech job. I guess I don’t want to hear much talk on the politics of the company's leader. It’s just too much complexity. Trying to focus on me and my family.

Some more details:
- SpaceX’s offer is for about 20% less. Although it comes with a lot of equity that could be life-changing money, it presents a tough cash flow problem.
- SpaceX is my dream job. It’s the reason I learned to code and switched careers. This is a really big deal for me.
- I’m already dealing with depression, and I’m afraid moving will just make things worse.
- I have three children. The oldest is 7, and will be going into 2nd grade.
- My wife is a teacher and isn’t worried at all about finding a job there. WA also pays about 20k more per year than NV. And WA is ranked 4th in education while NV is 47th.
- My family has already said they’d visit frequently, so it’s not like we’d never see them. But it is a break. We have weekly dinners now. My kids know and love their extended family, and I’m afraid that would change if we left.
- More, I’m sure. I’m just really scattered. Feel free to ask questions.

Thanks in advance. I love this site.
It's funny that no one is responding to the point that you said you were particularly interested in.

Regarding moving with small children for a job in volatile industry, I have both gone through this for 10 years as well as having close friends/family do the same.

Without disregarding your current situation, my subjective feedback would be that there does not seem to much risk if you were looking for an excuse to jump at the opportunity. Based on the information you provided (wife's career, your previous jobs, family information, etc.), it doesn't seem like a quick return is out of reach if things don't go as planned.

I have a cousin coming to the house today in almost your exact same scenario to a T. Except his dream was Apple. He took the job awhile back, it didn't quite work out long term. So they went back to where they were before, old jobs, back to family, etc. etc. Funnily, now they're back here again in CA (he's at Apple). 2 small children. Honestly, as long as they aren't buying a house, it's not been difficult for them in any way to pick up and settle elsewhere or return. These are a lifetime rural Indiana couple very family dependent who moved to the Bay.

The depression is the part that would concern me. A change is going to create stress. How prepared are you for that stress, will that affect the depression, and how in turn does that affect work/wife/family/kids/sex/food/family/etc/etc/etc.

The children aspect is always going to be so subjective and specific. Everyone at least says "children are resilient". Me personally, I like movement, I think experience new things and cultures and areas is important for littles. Yours may already get that locally and from trips and vacations. We have moved considerably, my 4 year has lived in Indiana, France, Texas, and California for long stints. I absolutely wish that they had lifetime friends/family, I can see the impact it has on them in some areas. I also know that they've experience things many 40 year olds haven't. And they relish those experiences and have enjoyed their unique experiences. I have no idea what in the world we would look like if we hadn't repeatedly made the jump to chase professional aspirations, but we're on a path and forging ahead.

Best of luck to you and yours.
 
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Gorbash

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utgtrash

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I’m asking an old friend if he still works at space x and if he still loves it as much as he did 8 years ago. There’s a pretty good episode of the All In podcast with Elon and while pretty much everyone has things they don’t like about him, except maybe uber techno-capitalists, he’s def a winner. I mean, you’ll be on team Mars. A lot of people don’t have an idea of a dream job even so I’d say that says a lot. I’d say if it’s an upgrade for the entire family, it would be hard to pass up.
 

allforcharity

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This sounds like a really great opportunity, Matt, and for every one in your family. NV is a hop/skip/jump to WA, and you are very tech savvy so keeping in touch (same time zone?) shouldn't be a problem. If this is a dream opportunity, then catch it now.

Any chance you can harvest me a barrel of live $1s from Carson City Nugget before you go? (Heh, just kidding, but not really)
 
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