Going to pose this question to my spouse at lunch. should be fun.
Can men and women be just friends? (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter johnjohn
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Going to pose this question to my spouse at lunch. should be fun.
ekricket
Royal Flush
Possible but hard, I do have only one female that I can call friend. We went to high school together so that might be a reason. Fact is that her boyfriends and spouses did not like me and vice versa. Yet we stayed good friends.
Rhodeman77
Straight Flush
I have been told there are 2 types of women to most men. Those they have had sex with and those that they want to have sex with.
sure men and woman can be “just friends” but if they are hanging out a lot and alcohol is in the mix, even if both are married, a moment of weakness has a strong possibility. People fight with their spouses. The person that doesn’t give you a hard time and is always fun to be around is there......
I’d rather not put myself in a position to have that possibility. And even if nothing ever happened I wouldn’t want rumors or anything else that could cause my wife stress.
sure men and woman can be “just friends” but if they are hanging out a lot and alcohol is in the mix, even if both are married, a moment of weakness has a strong possibility. People fight with their spouses. The person that doesn’t give you a hard time and is always fun to be around is there......
I’d rather not put myself in a position to have that possibility. And even if nothing ever happened I wouldn’t want rumors or anything else that could cause my wife stress.
The question is if men and women can be "just" friends, without any sexual dimension in their relationship.
My answer is generally "no", unless they had a sexual relationship in the past or they 're going to have one in the future or they both have honestly admitted this is impossible (e.g. 'cause they 're married to different people).
For couples currently having a sexual relationship, it would be ideal if they could be friends too. That could keep them together on the long run, together with some elementary sex.
In our times there 's a lot of sexist speech, propagating hatred against either women or (most importantly and most lately) men.
Hatred never produced any good results.
My answer is generally "no", unless they had a sexual relationship in the past or they 're going to have one in the future or they both have honestly admitted this is impossible (e.g. 'cause they 're married to different people).
For couples currently having a sexual relationship, it would be ideal if they could be friends too. That could keep them together on the long run, together with some elementary sex.
In our times there 's a lot of sexist speech, propagating hatred against either women or (most importantly and most lately) men.
Hatred never produced any good results.
DrStrange
4 of a Kind
I must be an outlier. I have / had lots of female friends. Some as old as my mother, some young enough to be my daughter. Of course there were a few who were / became romantic interests. But mostly not.
Weird it seems -=- DrStrange
Weird it seems -=- DrStrange
Loved sandwich guy
Women, just like men, and probably every other living creature, want acceptance and preference. So, they welcome male "friends" i.e. admirers.
But they 're very selective when it comes to copulation, probably because it's a more profound experience for the person being penetrated, than for the person penetrating, and, beyond doubt, because intercourse has colossal natural consequences for them (child bearing).
Men, as male animals, were just born to spray mankind with semen.
Hence the ancient myths of "sleeping beauties" (you have to wake up the lust in women, and promise you 'll be together with them during their pregnancy and for at least the first year of the new child's life, for a woman to truly disinhibit herself and enjoy sex).
Contraception has (thankfully) somewhat altered that, but not too much.
Most horrible thing is that it (conraception, even in the form of good old condoms) is not really being used, with tragic consequences among minors.
I had a hunch we'd get a colorful perspective here.
Sure, why not?
I can be just friends with a woman for sure - and I have some great and close female friends - but I am definitely going to imagine the alternative at least once, regardless of literally everything else.
Just being honest.
Just being honest.
Geremie
Full House
Yes. I’m friends with my aunts, grandmother, mother, cousins, and of course my daughter!
OneBrow
Pair
I don't see why having sexual impulses negates a friendship. I also find the notion that there is some giant chasm between "friends" and "lovers" to be somewhat arbitrary.
RichMahogany
Straight Flush
One of my best friends, and currently the only person I hang out with during these socially distanced times, is a woman. Don’t really see what the big deal is. *shrug*
Yes and no, the type of friendship needs context though... I take the question as “can men and women have the same type of friendship”. I find the “big deal” a little difficult to put into words.
Question really has to be viewed differently for singles than those with a significant other. In my late teens and early 20s most of my better friends were women... most of those relationships were never more than platonic but with all of them the potential was there. Those that went further, well, we were friends and then all of a sudden we were something else.
Once your get into relationships things are different. Sure, you still have friends but is that friendship the same that you have with your buddys? I would imagine your significant other wouldn’t have a problem with you going over to your friend Joe’s house (single guy), getting drunk while watching the game, playing some cards and shooting the shit on the couch until 1am. I also assume her opinion may well change if it was your single friend named Jessica.
Trust is obviously important, but as @Rhodeman77 mentioned earlier there are some situations you just don’t put yourself in. And because of that potential the friendship is ultimately different.
Question really has to be viewed differently for singles than those with a significant other. In my late teens and early 20s most of my better friends were women... most of those relationships were never more than platonic but with all of them the potential was there. Those that went further, well, we were friends and then all of a sudden we were something else.
Once your get into relationships things are different. Sure, you still have friends but is that friendship the same that you have with your buddys? I would imagine your significant other wouldn’t have a problem with you going over to your friend Joe’s house (single guy), getting drunk while watching the game, playing some cards and shooting the shit on the couch until 1am. I also assume her opinion may well change if it was your single friend named Jessica.
Trust is obviously important, but as @Rhodeman77 mentioned earlier there are some situations you just don’t put yourself in. And because of that potential the friendship is ultimately different.
ekricket
Royal Flush
This is a lesson that can be applied to the whole spectrum of living, but unfortunately it’s not very popular anymore.
I think men and women can just be friends, even if there is tension.
I have had female friends in the past where there was some sexual energy. To keep it fair, I just went ahead and tried to bang my male friends too so nobody felt left out.
I have had female friends in the past where there was some sexual energy. To keep it fair, I just went ahead and tried to bang my male friends too so nobody felt left out.
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I know that a lot of people will scoff at this question. Those that think indefinitely one way, because that's their experience, and those the other, because that's their experience.
I know for me, an indefinitely close platonic relationship with an attractive, available woman who finds me attractive is difficult partially because of my personality and propensities (I am very loud and outgoing, I'm not aware of my surroundings, etc.). It's easier because I'm aloof and consider pretty much anyone/everyone a friend.
Also, I'm not interpreting the question as "can a man and a woman be friends?". Of course, find two people with absolute 0 physical or emotional attraction and perhaps some social norms that seperate them along with very different beliefs/backgrounds, easy opportunity for "just friends".
But I take the question to mean find two people that are attractive to each other (whatever this means to them, physical, emotional, etc.) and put them together in a way that non sexually attractive folks would be good friends. Say can a man spend time with an attractive woman (and vice versa), getting drinks after work, driving four hours north to catch a game together, heading to the gym on lunch breaks, talking about personal issues without walls or constraints, etc., much like they would with a same sex or non attractive individual?
I think it's a great fun question. It reads so differently and will get different responses from different folks, the question/answer changes dramatically if you just slightly shift to nonheterosexual respondents, folks with a bohemian lifestyle, etc.
I know for me, an indefinitely close platonic relationship with an attractive, available woman who finds me attractive is difficult partially because of my personality and propensities (I am very loud and outgoing, I'm not aware of my surroundings, etc.). It's easier because I'm aloof and consider pretty much anyone/everyone a friend.
Also, I'm not interpreting the question as "can a man and a woman be friends?". Of course, find two people with absolute 0 physical or emotional attraction and perhaps some social norms that seperate them along with very different beliefs/backgrounds, easy opportunity for "just friends".
But I take the question to mean find two people that are attractive to each other (whatever this means to them, physical, emotional, etc.) and put them together in a way that non sexually attractive folks would be good friends. Say can a man spend time with an attractive woman (and vice versa), getting drinks after work, driving four hours north to catch a game together, heading to the gym on lunch breaks, talking about personal issues without walls or constraints, etc., much like they would with a same sex or non attractive individual?
I think it's a great fun question. It reads so differently and will get different responses from different folks, the question/answer changes dramatically if you just slightly shift to nonheterosexual respondents, folks with a bohemian lifestyle, etc.
Jimulacrum
Full House
Yes. Men can be just friends with women and women with men. I'm married and still have many female friends, and my wife has many male friends too. That's not to say no one ever crosses a line with flirting or whatever, but by and large, it's not a problem, and friends remain only friends.
What I wonder is whether women can be friends with women.
What I wonder is whether women can be friends with women.
JustDogbert
Two Pair
Of course they CAN be friends. Friends can share interests in activities and world views, and enjoy spending time together, without having sex (e.g. I don't have sex with any of my male friends).
When it gets tricky is when physical attraction attraction plays a role. To be clear, I do have a "type" (aka a "spec") of women that I'm physically attracted too. If you have compatible personalities AND are physically attracted to each other, the question becomes "why not do it". When that doesn't work out, my experience is that we generally no longer remain friends. I can only think of one women that I was friends with, started having had sex, stopped having sex, and then remained friends with her.
Now, IMO, if the attraction isn't mutual, it's not going to work out. Someone will always be scamming / manipulating the other tying for a hook up:
- bad mouthing your girlfriends
- trying to sabotage your relationship
- trying to get you drunk / impaired to take advantage
- "casually" introducing opportunities for a liaison
- etc.
So, I find it best to just avoid that whole scenario.
And of course there is the "significant other". If it's credible that at least one of you isn't physically attracted to each other, the significant other might not be an issue. I have a friend, for many years now, from an old employer; her and I do things together and her husband has no issue with it, but she is totally not my spec. BUT if the significant other thinks you are, or should be attracted to each other, they probably wont trust it. I currently can't see my one friends because her boy friend does not believe that I am not attracted to her (even though I have never even kissed her or wanted to). It's real tough with the boy friend of the one girl I did have sex with, and he's a buddy of mine (he don't trust at least one of us).
And of course if they have an incompatible personality, you probably aren't even trying to be friends. Some of my favorite girl friends had incompatible personalities with me
TLDR:
Yes, easy - Shared interests / beliefs, neither is physically attracted to the other
Yes, tough/risky - Shared interests / beliefs, one is attracted to the other but not mutual
Nope - Divergent interests, only physical attraction (mutual or otherwise)
When it gets tricky is when physical attraction attraction plays a role. To be clear, I do have a "type" (aka a "spec") of women that I'm physically attracted too. If you have compatible personalities AND are physically attracted to each other, the question becomes "why not do it". When that doesn't work out, my experience is that we generally no longer remain friends. I can only think of one women that I was friends with, started having had sex, stopped having sex, and then remained friends with her.
Now, IMO, if the attraction isn't mutual, it's not going to work out. Someone will always be scamming / manipulating the other tying for a hook up:
- bad mouthing your girlfriends
- trying to sabotage your relationship
- trying to get you drunk / impaired to take advantage
- "casually" introducing opportunities for a liaison
- etc.
So, I find it best to just avoid that whole scenario.
And of course there is the "significant other". If it's credible that at least one of you isn't physically attracted to each other, the significant other might not be an issue. I have a friend, for many years now, from an old employer; her and I do things together and her husband has no issue with it, but she is totally not my spec. BUT if the significant other thinks you are, or should be attracted to each other, they probably wont trust it. I currently can't see my one friends because her boy friend does not believe that I am not attracted to her (even though I have never even kissed her or wanted to). It's real tough with the boy friend of the one girl I did have sex with, and he's a buddy of mine (he don't trust at least one of us).
And of course if they have an incompatible personality, you probably aren't even trying to be friends. Some of my favorite girl friends had incompatible personalities with me
TLDR:
Yes, easy - Shared interests / beliefs, neither is physically attracted to the other
Yes, tough/risky - Shared interests / beliefs, one is attracted to the other but not mutual
Nope - Divergent interests, only physical attraction (mutual or otherwise)
Bobb59
Full House
I think so because friends serve each other, we have common interests and we share activities together. Are there any limits?
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