Starting a thread here about the etiquette and diplomatic challenges of both adding players and disinviting players to a home game. As a host, I find this is an important but tricky task.
Background for my game:
The game I host has been going on for nearly 10 years now. I’m the fourth person to host the game, which I’ve been doing for about 15 months now. The core group of players (about a dozen of us, in a two-table game) has remained steady with very little attrition. These are people who attend almost every game, unless there is a family emergency or major event. Even holidays don’t usually stop these guys from playing poker.
To keep the game at two full tables, it has of course been necessary to add people to the roster. To get 15-18 regularly, I have about 30 people who get invited at any given time. Some people become new regulars, others are part-time participants, some play only a few times a year, and a few try it but don’t come back. Very few regulars ever drop out, unless something changes in their life (money, family, job).
Whenever the venue changes, the unspoken rule has been that anyone who has been a regular in any of the previous venues gets invited to the new location.
Anyway:
The policy regarding new players has been that (A) the host obviously can invite anyone they want, and (B) regulars are encouraged to suggest new players. It is generally frowned upon for a newish or occasional player to propose new participants, but it happens.
If someone has a suggestion, they must run the name by the host. This is to ensure that there is no known issue with the person (bad blood with another player, substance abuse, known cheater, whatever) and of course that there is room for them to play in the coming week.
In a week where someone new has been invited, I first make sure that all regulars have had a chance to reserve before OK-ing their attendance, so that a regular is not denied a seat to a new person.
The presumption is that the first visit of a guest is a try-out. They and their sponsor can’t assume they will be invited back. Assuming they are a fit (know the game, are respectful of the house and the players), they get invited back.
On the rare occasion that the guest does not work out—and this has happened in only two cases since I started hosting—I simply do not invite them back. I try to let their sponsor know, as diplomatically as possible, that it didn’t seem to be a match, and let them handle any fallout. If the guest inquires about attending again, I try to keep it neutral. (“I’ll be in touch if we need more players, but we are usually full,” that kind of thing).
I have only had one situation where a regular had to be put on a timeout. This was due to a pattern of drinking excessively at the game, which made him more and more irrationally argumentative as the evening wore on. The timeout happened after he challenged another player to a fistfight outside. After a few months away, I re-invited the player, and he did come back on his best behavior.
So, with all that in mind (I know, way too long), I wonder if this is about the same way other people handle additions/subtractions from your home games. Do you have written rules? Have you had to handle any awkward situations?
(P.S.: Maybe there is already a thread like this, but I didn’t find one via search... Let me know if that is wrong and I will delete and repost in the existing place.)
Background for my game:
The game I host has been going on for nearly 10 years now. I’m the fourth person to host the game, which I’ve been doing for about 15 months now. The core group of players (about a dozen of us, in a two-table game) has remained steady with very little attrition. These are people who attend almost every game, unless there is a family emergency or major event. Even holidays don’t usually stop these guys from playing poker.
To keep the game at two full tables, it has of course been necessary to add people to the roster. To get 15-18 regularly, I have about 30 people who get invited at any given time. Some people become new regulars, others are part-time participants, some play only a few times a year, and a few try it but don’t come back. Very few regulars ever drop out, unless something changes in their life (money, family, job).
Whenever the venue changes, the unspoken rule has been that anyone who has been a regular in any of the previous venues gets invited to the new location.
Anyway:
The policy regarding new players has been that (A) the host obviously can invite anyone they want, and (B) regulars are encouraged to suggest new players. It is generally frowned upon for a newish or occasional player to propose new participants, but it happens.
If someone has a suggestion, they must run the name by the host. This is to ensure that there is no known issue with the person (bad blood with another player, substance abuse, known cheater, whatever) and of course that there is room for them to play in the coming week.
In a week where someone new has been invited, I first make sure that all regulars have had a chance to reserve before OK-ing their attendance, so that a regular is not denied a seat to a new person.
The presumption is that the first visit of a guest is a try-out. They and their sponsor can’t assume they will be invited back. Assuming they are a fit (know the game, are respectful of the house and the players), they get invited back.
On the rare occasion that the guest does not work out—and this has happened in only two cases since I started hosting—I simply do not invite them back. I try to let their sponsor know, as diplomatically as possible, that it didn’t seem to be a match, and let them handle any fallout. If the guest inquires about attending again, I try to keep it neutral. (“I’ll be in touch if we need more players, but we are usually full,” that kind of thing).
I have only had one situation where a regular had to be put on a timeout. This was due to a pattern of drinking excessively at the game, which made him more and more irrationally argumentative as the evening wore on. The timeout happened after he challenged another player to a fistfight outside. After a few months away, I re-invited the player, and he did come back on his best behavior.
So, with all that in mind (I know, way too long), I wonder if this is about the same way other people handle additions/subtractions from your home games. Do you have written rules? Have you had to handle any awkward situations?
(P.S.: Maybe there is already a thread like this, but I didn’t find one via search... Let me know if that is wrong and I will delete and repost in the existing place.)