So, having been married for a long time,separated 10 years ago, and then divorced 2 years later, I’m starting to feel the miles click on.
It dawned on me that I’m going to be 50 in less than 4 years, and it was quite the jolt. Not that I forgot how old I am, but I kinda skimmed over how old I was getting, if that makes any sense.
Coincidentally, it was chipping that gave me the initial jolt. I was on a zoom with my estate planning attorney, adding the hoard of chips to my Will, when he asked me a question that has had me thinking for a while. He asked, “When are you going to get married and have children, so you have someone to leave this all to?”
I have been lukewarm on “relationships” for a while now, mostly just bee-flitting from flower to flower (sans pollen,) and the idea that I could find someone I love and trust, build enough of a dynamic that I ask her to marry me, decide if we’re going to have kids and then have them — it seems like a lifetime away. At the same time, I’ve been seeing what a joy kids are for some of my closest friends, and I have gotten to the mental state of really wanting my own offspring.
So, about 3 weeks ago, I started the discovery process of looking at anonymous egg donors and surrogates. It’s a fascinating world, where the biological mother of your child is someone you’ll never meet, and the woman who carries your baby is basically an oven — baking, if you will, for you. I really want to be as young as possible when I have kids, and I feel like I’m running out of time. There’s so much that I’ve been able to build that I’d like a proper heir for; so many things I have learned I’d like to teach. And while adoption is interesting, I am more motivated about the child being of my own blood.
My parents were aghast at the idea, but then again, they’re traditionally Indian, and think it’s almost blasphemous. My younger, single friends in LA don’t understand it at all; and my married friends with kids are concerned of a child growing up by my choice without a mother.
So, I wanted to pose the question in this relative veil of anonymity this forum provides: are there single fathers out there who have raised a kid or kids on their own? What does it do to one’s life, really? Does it make it harder, or easier to date? Any advice?
And, if by a miracle, someone has gone through this process themselves, I’d love to hear from you.
It dawned on me that I’m going to be 50 in less than 4 years, and it was quite the jolt. Not that I forgot how old I am, but I kinda skimmed over how old I was getting, if that makes any sense.
Coincidentally, it was chipping that gave me the initial jolt. I was on a zoom with my estate planning attorney, adding the hoard of chips to my Will, when he asked me a question that has had me thinking for a while. He asked, “When are you going to get married and have children, so you have someone to leave this all to?”
I have been lukewarm on “relationships” for a while now, mostly just bee-flitting from flower to flower (sans pollen,) and the idea that I could find someone I love and trust, build enough of a dynamic that I ask her to marry me, decide if we’re going to have kids and then have them — it seems like a lifetime away. At the same time, I’ve been seeing what a joy kids are for some of my closest friends, and I have gotten to the mental state of really wanting my own offspring.
So, about 3 weeks ago, I started the discovery process of looking at anonymous egg donors and surrogates. It’s a fascinating world, where the biological mother of your child is someone you’ll never meet, and the woman who carries your baby is basically an oven — baking, if you will, for you. I really want to be as young as possible when I have kids, and I feel like I’m running out of time. There’s so much that I’ve been able to build that I’d like a proper heir for; so many things I have learned I’d like to teach. And while adoption is interesting, I am more motivated about the child being of my own blood.
My parents were aghast at the idea, but then again, they’re traditionally Indian, and think it’s almost blasphemous. My younger, single friends in LA don’t understand it at all; and my married friends with kids are concerned of a child growing up by my choice without a mother.
So, I wanted to pose the question in this relative veil of anonymity this forum provides: are there single fathers out there who have raised a kid or kids on their own? What does it do to one’s life, really? Does it make it harder, or easier to date? Any advice?
And, if by a miracle, someone has gone through this process themselves, I’d love to hear from you.